What’s Wrong With Me

Why is it that the first place we go to when we’re upset, angry or ill is ‘what’s wrong with me’. I’ve had a few conversations over the bank holiday which went to the ‘wrong with me’ place. My friend was upset – ‘what’s wrong with me?’ You’re upset! There’s nothing ‘wrong’. I was angry – what’s wrong with me? Nothing. I was angry. I got over it! Another friend was feeling really exhausted – ‘what’s wrong with me?’ Nothing. She’s run down, tired and needs to chill out with a big bar of chocolate, a book and a bath. Once she’d done that over the weekend, the feeling of exhaustion went away.

As did the sense that something was ‘wrong’. What annoys me about this focus (and I do it too) is that it always puts us in the naughty chair. We’re angry, hurt, upset, feeling under the weather and we’re looking for ‘what’s wrong with me’. You know what? There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You’re just human. Humans feel emotions. They feel hurt, jealousy, anger, embarrassment, sadness, tiredness. Humans (as a general rule) are not happy, skippy, bouncy every day. You know me, I’m a ‘joyful life’ coach – it’s all about enjoying your life for me.

But that doesn’t mean denying ‘negative’ emotions. That doesn’t mean putting yourself in the naughty corner for feeling how you feel. Ironically, living joyfully means living fully with your experience. It is very hard to be joyful when you have unacknowledged anger or sadness. It is difficult to be joyous when you are exhausted. But there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you when you get cross, when you are sad, when you are tired. You’re just cross, or sad, or tired. Not defective. So do me a favour and quit asking ‘what’s wrong with me’ because the truth is that you are beautiful, wonderful, fabulous, amazing, a unique, brightly shining star…and you’re allowed to be HUMAN!

Love

Donna.x

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Find The Gift

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade (or tequila slammers, depending on your preference!). It’s an old cliche, but a good ‘un! Sometimes life throws stuff at you that sucks, situations that are painful, people who are prats (!), shocks and awful news. That’s life. Last week I talked about playing the best you can with the hand you’re dealt. But there is more you can do. You can actively seek the gift in the rubbish hand! Sticking with the card metaphor for a moment, a bad hand induces you to get much better at the game so you can still win! Getting great cards every time will not improve your skill, it’ll just be easier.

Not that one state is better than another. Great hand – cool! Shite hand – fabulous, I get to play better and winning will mean WAY more. Let’s take it to real life for a second. As you know, I have been given a diagnosis on my health that I’m not overly impressed with. This has already brought me gifts. I have reconnected with some old friends I’d lost touch with. I have found that some friends are FABULOUS at dealing with this kind of thing…and the friendship is stronger for it. I am actively seeking ways to improve my energy and my health, and I’ve already noticed I’m less keen to eat empty sugary things (most unlike me!).

I have been given gifts, including chocolate (my favourite) and several programs from one of my mentors/teachers Carole Dore – this package had me beaming from ear to ear with joy and I am already feeling the benefits of the first 2 products I’ve used. I have been gentler with myself. I have been more aware of my energy, how I feel, and I’ve been following that energy. I’ve received ideas, telephone numbers, potentially helpful information. Wow. Looking at it like that, I’ve already received so much…and I only found out 2 weeks ago. Just imagine what other good stuff could come my way?!

Just imagine for a moment, that this diagnosis is FOR me. That it is something that will lead to good stuff. It is said that often your greatest pain can be your greatest teacher AND your greatest gift. Now of course, I’d rather just take the easy life, thanks…but that’s not an option. Imagine for a moment that my life will get better as a result of my diagnosis. Just like it did when I had throat infections – made me give up smoking which made me feel lots better, not just getting rid of the throat infection. Just as it did when my liver stopped processing booze – which made me drastically cut down on drink (from probably an average of 10 units a day to an average of 1 a week!). Not only was I less often hungover, I had more energy, I was less depressed (didn’t realise drink made me down until I stopped), I felt clearer and happier, and my social life is better. And I spend less!

Now let’s imagine that something that you are not happy about is also a gift to you. It’s something that will ultimately make your life better. Start looking for the gifts. It is usually much easier to see this stuff in hindsight, but if you can detach a little from the pain/discomfort/upset/anger and look for the gift, you can move through the situation more easily. You will be less rocked by the inevitable lemons, and much better able to cheerfully say “lemonade?” when someone asks what you’re doing with your horrid situation.

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