Ask Donna: Exhausted and Discouraged

Question: I am following my big dream and it’s been really hard work. I feel exhausted and discouraged, and worst of all I don’t feel I can talk about this as everyone keeps telling me to ‘be positive’ or give up. Maria

People who are not following their big dreams sometimes don’t understand those of us who are. Ask for the support you need from your friends – be really clear with them about how they can help you. Take a break from your big dream – when you are exhausted, the best thing you can do is relax and take a couple of days off from working on your big dream so you can replenish yourself and come back clear headed and chilled out.

Here’s the link to the podcast about the 3 Pillars: http://www.donnaonthebeach.com/blog/2012/01/dreams-to-reality-podcast-the-3-pillars/ – the 3 Pillars are self-care, energy and joy. If you’re not feeling cared for, you will feel exhausted and discouraged just because your self-care is low. If your energy is low, you have less to give your big dream. If you are not enjoying life…well, that sucks!

If you have a question, leave a comment below this post.

Love

Donna.x

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The Daily Constitutional

In The Independent a few years ago, John Walsh wrote about the pleasures we have lost because we’re usually in so much of a hurry. Here’s part of what he wrote:

“How long is it since you entertained the concept of Going For A Walk? I don’t mean the urgent dash to the shops on Saturday afternoon, or the purposeful not-quite-run on the common in your expensive trainers. I mean the purposeless amble through the backstreets of your fashionable suburb, taking in the sights, peering through windows (but don’t push your luck) and greeting neighbours with a cheery doffing of one’s Homburg. The lack of any actual goal, other than getting out of the house and seeing what the world is up to, is what gives the random constitutional its old-fashioned charm.”

It’s as true today as it was then. When was the last time you had a good mooch around for no purpose at all? I get to mooch on a daily basis because my dog needs walking…so there is a purpose…but I still do it as a nice gentle mooch. This week (when the skies have been clear) I’ve been mooching to the top of the hill across the road and watching the sunset. Now I know I said ‘mooch for no purpose at all’, but as reasons to mooch go, this one is hard to beat!

Go mooching.

Love

Donna.x

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Release the Tension

Yesterday when I woke up, I realised I was tense. My shoulders were tense, my jaw was tense, even my eye muscles felt tense! Now it’s one thing to end the day feeling tense, but to start it feeling tense? Had I had a very stressful sleep? I realised that there’d obviously been a bit of a build up of tension so spent the day yesterday consciously relaxing whenever I thought of it, and noticing where I’m holding tension.

Join me – take a moment now to scan your body – are you holding tension in your scalp, your eyes, your jaw, your neck, your shoulders? Everywhere you find tension, release it. Move down the body all the way to your toes, releasing tension where you find it. Take a breath and mentally say to your muscles ‘relax’. When you’re done, get on with your day. Repeat as often as you feel it’s necessary. If tension is something you’ve been living with for a while, you may need to do it often to begin with, but it’s worth it.

Be relaxed as you go about your day.

Love

Donna.x

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Wearing Your Stress as a Badge of Honour

I was speaking with a client this week about her work ethic and how this affected her stress levels. She told me that she wears her stress ‘like a badge of honour’. She is proud of how much stress she can take. She is rewarded for taking on more projects than one person can reasonably handle, and her friends admire her for being able to handle her stress.

Sounds great, right? There is only one minor problem – she hates the pressure and it is making her ill. Ah. Suddenly it’s not so great being superwoman – the expectations people have of her (including her own) are too high, and too demanding. Fortunately she is coming to realise that this is not the way it has to be. I know she’s not alone in this. I did something similar in a previous life – taking on too much and feeling important because I had so much ‘on’.

Do you ever feel the same? It’s a sad situation when people are rewarded for how quickly they can grind themselves into the ground, how busy they are, and how little they are enjoying their life. In these days of being able to ‘have it all’ it seems that we prefer the fiction that an overfull life is great over the fact that an overfull life makes you ill.

In case you’re unsure, let me make my position on this perfectly clear – stress is not something to be proud of. I do not admire stressed people. I admire happy, balanced, successful people. Success is not (to me) working an 80 hour week, and being available by mobile phone at 4am on your holiday. Success is not running from social engagement to social engagement being unable to enjoy any of them because you are too tired and too busy thinking about everything you have to do.

I would much rather say ‘I am loving life’ this year than ‘I had a nervous breakdown’. Wearing your stress like a badge of honour is dangerous to your health. Because of the harmful effects of stress, companies are required by law to provide reasonable stress management measures for their staff. Personally, I think individuals need to provide reasonable de-stressing measures for themselves. And the first one to adopt is to treat stress appropriately.

Think about your relationship with stress – is it healthy? Do you use your stress to get you out of the way of a speeding bullet or as a signal that something needs to change. Or do you wear your stress like a badge of honour? How about a different badge of honour – be proud of how relaxed you are! Or is that too radical for the noughties?

- Something to Play With -

Treat stress as a warning sign that your life needs to change. Ask yourself (if you’re stressed) how you can simplify, what you can do to take extremely good care of yourself (make sure you have my free ebook for self care ideas), what you can do to relax and ENJOY your life to the full rather than fill your life to the brim and miss out on any fun! Want to share your thoughts on this article? Please leave a comment.

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In Praise of Laze

I was talking to someone I coached about 5 years ago the other day, and she reminded me of something I’d asked her to do – get comfortable with, and allow herself to be, lazy. Like so many other things, laziness gets such a bad rap that many of us will work ourselves into an early grave just to avoid being branded ‘lazy’. But laziness has its place…and if you are more type ‘A’ than type ‘zzzzzzzzzz’, maybe this is something you could try out over Easter.

I love a bit of lazing about. I love to relax. I love to be on holiday with nothing to do but walk by the sea, read, eat and enjoy myself. I like to enjoy my life…and if that makes me ‘lazy’, so be it. Am I really ‘lazy’? Well, given half a chance, yes. But the rest of the time, I work hard so I think a bit of laziness can be forgiven. Because there is a lovely balance between laziness and busyness, and a person needs both in their life to be happy.

Think about it – you’ve ticked a thousand things off your to do list – are you satisfied? Oh no, there’s another thousand things to do. Bah. Time for laziness. Get comfortable with, and allow yourself to be, lazy. Laze around, relax, chill out, don’t do something off your to do list (I can hear your collective gasps of horror!), just enjoy a moment of ease. This easter, give laziness a go. And let me know how you do!

Love

Donna.x
PS Happy Easter! May the Easter bunny satisfy your every chocolatey dream! xxx

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Scan And Release

Sounds like an IT process doesn’t it? But this is not about technology, it’s about your body. I sat down this morning to watch a bit of the tennis and realised that my shoulders were quite tense (and I wasn’t that bothered about the outcome of the game!). Scanning my body, I realised that I was also holding tension in my feet (wierdly!) and in my jaw!

What about you? Scan your body now – where is the tension? Now release it. Aaaaah, that’s better. Repeat often – we hold a lot of tension out of stress, habit, pain and fear…but then when the stress, pain or fear have gone we keep tension out of habit. So make a new habit and let it go!

Love

Donna.x

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If It Wasn’t Personal…

I was talking to a friend last night about taking things personally. In the UK, we have a horrible habit of taking things personally – someone is a bit ‘funny’ with us and we take it personally, our employer brings in a new rule and we take it personally, the weather is rubbish and we take it personally.

I remember a friend of mine being really worried that she’d upset somebody who she thought was blanking her. She couldn’t think what she’d done, and she mithered about it for weeks. In the end, she asked this woman if she was ok, and she wasn’t – she had been diagnosed with cancer! It was absolutely sod all to do with my friend.

Much as we like to believe that we are the centre of the universe, we’re not for anyone but ourselves…and that’s as it should be! So the next time that you notice that you are taking something personally, ask yourself “What if this isn’t personal?” and relax – your life will be much easier when you don’t take every little thing personally.

And if it is personal…so what?! Even if someone does have a problem with YOU, it’s THEIR problem. Let them keep it.

Love

Donna.x

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Worry Checklist

Worry is one of the biggest wastes of time there is, and unlike many other wastes of time (tv, the internet, housework) there is no reward, no fun, no point at all! And yet we all do it, so I thought I would share with you my Worry Checklist:

So, here’s a ‘check list’ for when you are worrying:
1. What can I do about it right now? If there is something, do it and stop worrying. If nothing, go to number 2.
2. What can I do about it later? If there is something, plan to do it and stop worrying. If nothing, go to number 3.
3. What can I do about it tomorrow? If there is something, plan to do it and stop worrying. If nothing, go to number 4.
4. What can I do about it ever? If there is something, plan to do it and stop worrying. If nothing, go to number 5.
5. There is nothing I can do about this thing. Will I even give a shit in a year’s time? If not, stop worrying! If yes, go to number 6.
6. What do I want to happen? Eg if I am worried about a bill, I will say “I see this bill paid off with ease”; if I am worried about a person, I will say “I see this person healthy, happy, calm” or whatever. Rather than mull over what might go wrong, what might have gone wrong and what might be wrong right now, say it as you want to see it and mull over that for a few minutes instead.
7. Last step in the worry checklist is to call on spirit (God, Goddess, Angels, the Universe, your higher self) for help to let go of worrying. My favourite statement (this month!) is “No matter how things look, I know the universe/god/whatever has it all under control. I release this to you universe/god/whatever to deal with as I know you’ll do a better job than I could do.” I always feel better then…although if I’m really worrying, I might repeat this a few (hundred) times!

Let me know if it works for you.

Love

Donna.x
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Awaken Your Inner Tortoise

On TED I found this talk from Carl Honore, the author of “In Praise of Slow” – one of my favourite books. If you are living life in the fast lane and finding it’s not as much fun as it used to be, watch this video!

Let me know what you think – leave a comment below.

Love

Donna.x

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Why is Rest a Dirty Word?

Tell me something: Why is it that we find it desirable to work so hard that we have no time for our family and friends? Why is it that we are impressed by people who are terribly busy? Why is it that our working lives are dominated by stress and tension and no one sees that as a bad thing? Why is resting, taking care of yourself, enjoying your life (without the mad, hectic lifestyle) seen as lazy, wrong or bad?

We were not put on this earth to ‘see how much we could get done’. Well, you might have been, but I certainly was not. I was put here to ‘see how much joy I could enjoy’, and this philosophy of ‘nose to the grindstone and never mind the consequences (ill health, stress, relationships)’ is in direct opposition to my purpose for being here. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to rest, chill, relax, have fun, take care of myself, and my to do list can wait til that mission is accomplished!

Love

Donna.x

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