Ask Donna: Huge Knockback to My Big Dream

Q: I’ve had a big knockback in my Big Dream. I am so disappointed, feel like everything I’ve worked towards is a waste and I feel like a total failure. – Alison

Please know that you’re not alone in this – many of us who follow a Big Dream get knockbacks, disappointments and hit roadblocks. Here’s my 3-step plan for you:
Step 1: Extreme self-care – here’s the link to the podcast about it: Extreme Self-care. The question you want to ask yourself is “What would I do today if I were taking extremely good care of myself?”
Step 2: Process your feelings. Safely. Gently…AFTER you’ve been taking extremely good to yourself. My 3 favourite ways are talking it through, writing about it and moving it through – by dancing or boxing or walking or running. Come over to http://www.facebook.com/donnaonthebeach to get a daily writing prompt.
Step 3: Get back in touch with your Big Dream, get back in touch with what you felt so passionate about. If your Big Dream is still important to you, don’t let the knock-back stop you.

Love

Donna.x

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Ask Donna: Out-takes

Because it is Good Friday, I decided to have a week off doing a video, but thought I’d share with you this fun out-takes montage from filming ‘Ask Donna’ – I was told recently that the videos looked seamless…but this is more the reality than the finished product you see!

Always remember that you rarely get to see the mess-ups, mistakes and failures of others – you just get to see the finished product. So if you have something that you are fluffing up and doing several ‘takes’ to get it right – that’s just how it goes, it’s not you that sucks! In the real world, there are LOTS of out-takes, and the more you can see them as funny, part of life and nothing to get upset about, the better!

Happy Easter!

Love

Donna.x

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Podcast: What if I Can’t Have My Big Dream?

Do you avoid following your Big Dream because you’re afraid of failure or disappointment? Disappointment is not that bad, compared to the aliveness, joy, potential and possibility that you find when you do follow your Big Dreams. Living a life which is crushing your soul is WAY more hurtful than any disappointment. Disappointment is ok – it’s fleeting, it passes. Failure is just feedback, it’s no big deal.

To listen to this week’s podcast, click here: What if I can’t have my big dream

Homework:
Part 1: Whenever you think ‘what if I can’t have my Big Dream’, balance it out by asking yourself ‘what if I CAN have my Big Dream’.
Part 2: TAKE ACTION ANYWAY! Move your Big Dream forward this week anyway, despite not knowing what’s going to happen!

You can also subscribe to this podcast on itunes here.

May all your dreams become reality.

Love

Donna.x

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Do You Know What Determination Looks Like?

Last week I watched a program about 4 injured soldiers who walked to the North Pole. One had a broken back, one an amputated leg, one an amputated arm, and the last had a paralysed arm and half the muscle on his leg missing. At the end of the program, one of the lads said “I was told to my face I would never do this, but I never had any doubt I would”. The guy with the broken back was told he would never walk again. They made it to the North Pole. To see more about this incredible, inspirational journey, click here.

As I was watching the program about these stunningly determined men, I thought about some challenges I am facing now in my own life, and they shrink to nothing in comparison. If a man with a broken back can walk to the North Pole, I can do anything that is put in my path. Easily! Their journey showed that you can get knocked down and get up again, and again, and again. And that you can do what you put your mind to. Even when most people will think you cannot possibly do it, you can do it if you are sufficiently determined and persistent and you just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

If you have access to the BBC iplayer, you can still see the documentary (Harry’s Arctic Heroes) until Sunday, and I highly recommend it. If not, there are some videos on YouTube. If you are ever feeling worn down, like you are trudging uphill through treacle with steel boots on, remember this story. Remember these men who were told they couldn’t do it…and did. Remember that we humans can triumph over adversity with sufficient determination and persistence. Remember that you CAN do it. It’s got to be easier than walking to the North Pole with a broken back, hasn’t it?!

Have a fantastic weekend!

Love

Donna.x

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OnTheBeach – Don’t Tell Me I Suck

Did you know there are 12 weeks left until the end of this year? Yes, I know – time flies doesn’t it? I seem to spend my life saying “I can’t believe it’s October/January/2009/nearly Christmas”. Anyway, what has 2010 been like for you? Did you achieve what you wanted to? Have you had lots of fun? Have you been falling just a little bit more in love with life every day? Are you happy with how life is progressing? If the answer to any of those questions is ‘no’, perhaps the time has come to try a little life coaching? I have 3 one to one coaching spots open between now and Christmas – do you want to take one of them? To find out more about the how, why, where, when, who and how much, click here where you will find answers to all those questions and more! I look forward to working with you to create a life you love. And if you spot any mistakes on this page, please let me know! Despite reading through it 100 times, I am sure I’ve missed something! - Don’t Tell Me I Suck -

One of my least favourite things in the whole world is receiving e-mail that tells me I suck. Not because of anything I’ve done, not thoughtful feedback from someone who knows me, but a random e-mail from some ‘expert’ who tells me what I’m doing wrong and why I suck and why my approach will never work and how they are wonderful and have all the answers.

Grrr. Back in the early years of my business, I was subscribed to hundreds of these things from marketers, business experts and random people off the internet. And every time I received them, I would shrink a little more in confidence. I would read them through, recognise the terrible patterns they described and take their word for it that because I was listening to music while I worked, my business would tank – or some other such shite. It very nearly drove me out of business.

Luckily, I found people who didn’t jump on this bandwagon and instead of telling me I sucked, they just gave me useful information I could use to ‘get better’ at whatever it was. Without making me feel bad about myself and my chances first. People who told it like it was (building a business takes time, changing your life takes time, sorting your financial life takes time etc) without making me discouraged.

It may be a ‘wonderful’ sales technique (doesn’t work on me by the way) but if it leaves me feeling like I’ve just bitten into a rotten apple, it’s not good. The real truth is that there are as many ways of doing things as there are people in the world. Everyone is unique, and has a unique style. Sure, we can model ourselves on successful people…but people who fit our style rather than people who are polar opposites from us.

For example, I know of a successful author who gets up at 5 am to write. I would love to write more books, but I am not going to get up at asleep o’clock to do it. Not least because I am at my worst, my least creative and my grumpiest first thing in the morning – not something conducive to great writing! But I have heard this author say that you ‘have to’ get up early to write.

Hmm. Maybe he ‘has to’. But I am pretty sure that amongst the millions of authors out there, there are some who write in the afternoon, or even (gasp of horror) in the evening. It’s horses for courses. Remember this the next time you have someone who knows nothing about you telling you what you should do. What they mean is ‘this is what I would do’ – which might well be helpful…but it also might be as useless as the advice to get up at asleep o’clock when you are not a morning person.

Anyway, this subject kicked off today because I received an e-mail from someone basically telling me (without knowing a damn thing about me) that the way I was doing business was ‘wrong’. I unsubscribed. If you know me and how I’m doing things, feel free to tell me I suck – I appreciate constructive criticism, it helps me to get better. But don’t tell me I suck when you have no idea about me.

- Something to Play With -

When you get advice this week, remember that what they mean is ‘this is MY opinion’, not ‘this is the law’ – the world has space for all sorts of different routes to success in all areas. Trust yourself to know what’s right for you (if it makes you feel bad/ill/cross, it’s probably not right for you!) And if you have e-mails coming into your inbox that make you feel bad, unsubscribe! Want to share your thoughts on this article?  Leave me a comment below.  Or pop over to my facebook page and write on my wall.

Love

Donna.x

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Learning More From Failure

Do you learn more from failing than you do from succeeding?

It is accepted wisdom that we learn a lot more from making a mess of things than we do from effortlessly flying through. But why?

Is it because there are more lessons when we fail? Or is it because we don’t examine the cause of our success as much as we analyse the cause of our failure?

I believe it is the latter – there are just as many lessons to learn from happiness, ease, joy and success. But we don’t tend to pay any attention when things are going well. As soon as things go bad, we get out the magnifying glass and take it apart!

What’s going well in your life right now? Why is it going well? What are you doing to contribute to this ‘well’ness? What are the factors that make up a happy, successful life for you? Are you doing them?

Make the decision today to learn just as much from what you are doing right as what you are getting wrong.

Love

Donna.x

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Setting Yourself Up For Success

So this week I was interviewed by Deb Sturgess of Create Your Now virtual conference on the subject of ‘setting yourself up for success’ – it was fabulous! We had such a laugh, and I enjoyed converting another group of people to the virtues of treasuring yourself. Today’s article explores this a little more, but if you really want to get into it, get my free ebook “The First Step to a Joyful Life” by Joining my mailing list. If you are on my mailing list already, this will have been sent to you when you joined (if you’ve lost it, drop me an e-mail and I’ll resend it for you.

- Setting Yourself Up For Success -

I have noticed that for every one of my clients, if their self-care and energy is weak, their life is harder and their goals more difficult to achieve! If they feel cared for and energised, many of the seeming problems disappear! Life is easier, more fun, doors seem to open with greater regularity and ease…and they FEEL GOOD! This is what I think setting yourself up for success is about – taking the best care of yourself you can so you FEEL GOOD!

Some people object to this because it’s ‘selfish’, but keeping your one and only body, mind, heart and soul running efficiently is not selfish, it is necessary. Do you consider your car selfish for requiring petrol and oil and water to run efficiently? Do you ask your car to run on empty and consider it self-indulgent if it just stops running when it runs out of fuel? No, of course not. It’s ridiculous.

And when you are full up, when you are taken care of and energised, you have more to give. And when you are overflowing, you can overflow onto others, and you can give them more. Imagine this: you have kids, partners, parents, friends and colleagues who all need something from you. And you are only 50% full up. Your kids need 20% of that so you’re down to 30%. Your spouse needs 15%, you’re down to 15.

Your family needs you, and they take that last 15%…and they still want more. In the meantime your best friend is really sick and needs you…but you have nothing left to give. You are now feeling depleted and worn out yourself and you need help from those around you – who are in the same position as you, they have nothing to give! If you are full in the first place, you can give to your children, spouse, family and friends and still feel good.

Especially if you are refilling as you go along. So let’s look at another example. Let’s say you are overflowing, feeling wonderful – you’re at about 200%. As in the example before, you give 20% to your kids, 15% to your spouse, 15-20% to your family, 20% to your best friend…and even if you don’t fill up anymore, you still have 125% to give! The quality of the care and attention you can give is better – you’re not giving the people in your life the dregs of yourself.

And you feel good. So is that really selfish? I don’t think so. I personally think it is more selfish to do it the other way, because you are not able to give as much or as high quality. You are also teaching the people around you that you are worthy…and that they are worthy too. If you can take care of yourself, you give your loved ones permission to take care of themselves too. What could be less selfish?

- Something to Play With -

Are you setting yourself up for success by taking the best possible care of yourself you can? Are you feeling cared for right now? If the answer is no, what can you do right now to care for yourself? Go do it. Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below. Or pop over to my facebook page and leave a comment there.

Love

Donna.x

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Keep Seeking Your Passion

I was having a clearout this weekend, and I came across a couple of courses I did back in the late 90′s – Positive Thinking and Journalism. I had a little chuckle to myself at the memories of these courses – I thought the positive thinking course was a bit thin, not that useful, but actually when I looked back at the material, it was the distilled essence of some very profound ideas about attracting your ideal life. A little too distilled for me at that time, I missed the profundity and much of the substance of it went right over my head. Proof, if you like that you have to study a subject in much detail to understand some very basic principles!

As for the journalism course – this was a great disappointment to me. I was convinced that I would be a fabulous freelance writer. The journalism course gave me somewhat of a rude awakening. Looking back at the rubbish I wrote and handed in, I now admire my tutor’s restraint, tact and encouragement, although at the time I thought him very harsh! Not to put too fine a point on it, my articles sucked. I did not set the world alight with my writing, much to my disappointment.

Now, I’m not telling you this to regale you with tales of how rubbish I was. But the thought occurred to me that I did what lots of people do – I tried out various courses and ideas to help me find my passion. Along the way I found a few things that didn’t work out, I found out I wasn’t as fabulous as I thought I was. And yet, I didn’t stop. I kept seeking – did more courses (accountancy, IT stuff), I went travelling, did yet more courses, got some coaching and eventually ended up starting my own business.

Some people might just see where I am now – how would they know about the failed courses, the stupid ideas, the seemingly endless ‘please let this be it’ phase I went through? But the back story was a fairly unhappy experience. Looking back on it, I have quite fond memories of this time, but at the time it felt very painful, difficult and as if I was failing in all directions. The experience felt so unpleasant because I took it all very seriously and lost my sense of humour a bit. All part of the experience I guess.

It’s worth remembering that a few failed ventures can be just part of the experience. Each one of those courses, travels and attempts brought me closer in some way to where I am today. Some because I enjoyed them so much, some because I really didn’t enjoy them. Either way, they were part of the puzzle. So if you are seeking your passion, allow yourself to bounce back from things that don’t work out and keep moving forward. Don’t take the setbacks seriously. If you do, you might give up altogether and THAT would be the most serious setback of all.

Love

Donna.x

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All Wrote Out

Nanowrimo finished on Monday (national novel writing month), so I’ve been taking a break from writing out of sheer creative exhaustion! The challenge was to write 50000 words in a month. The idea being that when you’ve got 50000 words, you have the bones at least of your novel. Most people feel they have a novel in them, but most of them don’t ever write.

Nanowrimo gives them a reason to do it. So, is my ‘novel’ close to done? Nope. What I wrote SUCKS! The story wandered off in a different direction from the one I had in mind, the plot was lost within the first week, and because I didn’t keep a note of salient details about my characters, there are more inconsistencies than words. Well, almost! I seriously doubt that even with some rigorous editing this project will ever see the light of day.

So did I fail? Absolutely not. I now know 100 things I did not know before. I have a better idea of where my writing strengths (and weaknesses) lie. I ‘won’ in Nanowrimo terms – getting 50000 words done. It is an exercise in pure output that I have never done before, and that was an interesting experiment for me. Yeah, what I wrote sucks, but my first attempt at walking when I was little was embarrasingly bad too.

So was my first attempt at riding a bike, and don’t even speak to me about my first attempt at ice-skating! (Actually, I never got any better at that!) The trouble with so many of us is that we’re not prepared to fuck up. So we don’t even try. Guaranteeing failure. There are those who think I ‘wasted my time’ – they are sadly mistaken. I learned HEAPS! And I had fun. And I did it. So I’m really proud of myself for sticking at something even when I didn’t think it was working.

Every great novel started as a first draft that was probably rubbish, comparitavely. And who knows, once I have edited and polished my story, the plot may be found again, the inconsistensies corrected, the genius resurfaced (RAOFL). But even if not, did I waste my time? No. I grew. I challenged myself. I wrote myself hoarse. I’d rather grow and fuck-up than do nothing and watch my soul die.

Love

Donna.x

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Perfectly Imperfect

Do you strive to be ‘perfect’? Get upset when you ‘fail’? What if perfection was allowing yourself to be imperfect? To fail, mess up, get things horribly horribly wrong…and then to get up again with resilience and try once more? That’s perfection – the perfection of the human existence, because the glorious truth is that NOBODY is perfect. So if you can’t possibly be perfect, why not try for perfectly imperfect instead?

Love

Donna.x

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