Learning More From Failure

Do you learn more from failing than you do from succeeding?

It is accepted wisdom that we learn a lot more from making a mess of things than we do from effortlessly flying through. But why?

Is it because there are more lessons when we fail? Or is it because we don’t examine the cause of our success as much as we analyse the cause of our failure?

I believe it is the latter – there are just as many lessons to learn from happiness, ease, joy and success. But we don’t tend to pay any attention when things are going well. As soon as things go bad, we get out the magnifying glass and take it apart!

What’s going well in your life right now? Why is it going well? What are you doing to contribute to this ‘well’ness? What are the factors that make up a happy, successful life for you? Are you doing them?

Make the decision today to learn just as much from what you are doing right as what you are getting wrong.

Love

Donna.x

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Wading Uphill Through Treacle…

…with steel boots on. Ever feel like that? I posted on my Facebook page earlier that when you feel that way it is time to stop, refresh, take off the steel boots and find a way up the hill without the treacle! Try this: how can this be more easy? How can this be more fun?

Little did I know that less than 2 hours later I’d be taking my own advice! I have this extremely tedious task on hand to categorise and log used articles so they can be re-used. It’s very tedious, a bit fiddly and always gets put to the bottom of the pile. When I decided to take my own advice and stop, I did 3 simple things: I decided I’d award myself with a chocolate biscuit when I’d done 6 months worth; I put on some good music and danced around like a fool for a few minutes; and I created a tick list – every time I’d done a month, I ticked it off so that I felt like I was making progress.

15 minutes later, 6 months worth were done and I was tucking into my chocolate biscuit. It really is astonishing how, if we take the time to stop and re-evaluate, we can find an easier, more fun, quicker and BETTER way of doing things. Or of course, you could continue to wade uphill through treacle with steel boots on. Your choice.

Love

Donna.x

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Drop The Pressure

Do you ever find yourself getting incredibly grouchy? Irritable? Impatient? Even evil? A short fuse is a key indicator of stress, but we often blame the weather, tiredness, PMT, and sometimes miss the fact that actually, we are under a lot of pressure. All too often, this pressure is entirely self-inflicted – the only person expecting the moon on a stick from you, is you!

For example, my friend has been to the doctors to ask for help for her PMT before she kills someone. The doctor prescribed…relieving some pressure. My friend is putting an incredible amount of pressure on herself to be perfect…and the pressure is telling. Imagine an old steam kettle – once the steam builds up, the kettle starts shrieking! She’s not alone in not realising that she is putting herself under a lot of strain.

Only a few weeks ago I was getting myself into a terrible tizz – I have a lot on my to do list for my business – there are all sorts of plates spinning, projects in progress and directions in which to go. And of course, if I were Captain Perfect, I’d be progressing every project daily. No one else is asking me to do so. It’s all me. I thought that I was superhuman. I was wrong. Sigh. No special powers or anything. Dammit.

Once I realised that actually, I am making progress, I could relax and continue on without the lead weight I had put on myself. What about you? Where are you putting yourself under pressure? It could be with your appearance, your career, your finances, your relationships, your health. Check in with your life. Where are you feeling the pressure to be thinner, richer, more successful, more popular, healthier, busier, more perfect?

Whose expectations are you trying to live up to? Are you adding pressure to yourself? Imagine if you cut yourself a break…how much easier would that be? And there is a possibility that when you relax your iron grip on the situation, achieving what you want will become easier…

Love

Donna.x

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In Praise of Laze

I was talking to someone I coached about 5 years ago the other day, and she reminded me of something I’d asked her to do – get comfortable with, and allow herself to be, lazy. Like so many other things, laziness gets such a bad rap that many of us will work ourselves into an early grave just to avoid being branded ‘lazy’. But laziness has its place…and if you are more type ‘A’ than type ‘zzzzzzzzzz’, maybe this is something you could try out over Easter.

I love a bit of lazing about. I love to relax. I love to be on holiday with nothing to do but walk by the sea, read, eat and enjoy myself. I like to enjoy my life…and if that makes me ‘lazy’, so be it. Am I really ‘lazy’? Well, given half a chance, yes. But the rest of the time, I work hard so I think a bit of laziness can be forgiven. Because there is a lovely balance between laziness and busyness, and a person needs both in their life to be happy.

Think about it – you’ve ticked a thousand things off your to do list – are you satisfied? Oh no, there’s another thousand things to do. Bah. Time for laziness. Get comfortable with, and allow yourself to be, lazy. Laze around, relax, chill out, don’t do something off your to do list (I can hear your collective gasps of horror!), just enjoy a moment of ease. This easter, give laziness a go. And let me know how you do!

Love

Donna.x
PS Happy Easter! May the Easter bunny satisfy your every chocolatey dream! xxx

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Writing and The Work

A note from Donna
I was telling a friend about this insight a couple of weeks ago, and she suggested that it would make an interesting article. This is based on ‘The Work’, a four-step process used by Byron Katie (see recommendation) – the premise is that you explore a stressful thought through these four questions and the turnaround. On this particular day, I was exploring why I wasn’t writing, which surfaced the most beautiful belief: If I only write when I want to, I’ll never write.

Writing and The Work
If I only write when I want to, I’ll never write. Question 1: Is this True? No. (Question 2 is ‘Can I know for sure that this is true?’ – irrelevant in this case as it is not true in the first place!)

Question 3: How do I react when I believe this thought “if I only write when I want to, I’ll never write”? I get p***ed off. I compare myself unfavourably to other writers who force the process to get themselves flowing. I get mardy because I don’t want to do that at all. I love writing, but this takes the joy out of it for me. I don’t want to write when I believe this thought!

Question 4: Who would I be without this thought? Oh wow, I feel light, free, happy, I’m looking forward to writing, I’m excited about creating more fabulous stuff. I know that I create well when I am inspired so I feel really proud (in advance) of what I will create.

Turnarounds:
If I only write when I want to, I’ll always write. This feels so much more true – I’ve been writing regularly now for 6 years and I am always having ideas and inspirations…and I love writing. So if I don’t ruin it for myself and make it a chore, I will always want to do it.
If I never write when I want to I’ll never write. Yes! Very true – if I’m always trying to ‘make’ myself do it, I’ll kill the desire to do it!
If I only write when I don’t want to, I’ll never write. Yes! This is exactly what’s been happening.

This exploration helped me to realise something – I have never wanted to create in a formulaic way, to me it kills the creativity. And yet here I have been, trying to force structure around something that isn’t structured. And that forcing has actually been slowing down my writing. So, now I am back to writing when I want to…and LOVING it!

Something to play with
Check out www.thework.com for instructions about doing the work, or buy the book, and then start to explore your stressful thoughts – you may find, as I did, that your stressful thought is a load of b***cks!

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below.

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Is “The Flow” Your Travelling Companion?

Do you know the phrase “going with the flow”? What does it mean to you to “go with the flow”? Are you going with the flow as much as you would like to? To me, going with the flow means taking the path that’s in front of me, instead of trying to hack through the undergrowth at the side of the path. It means letting life be easy, and instead of trying to force things to happen, allow them to happen in their own time.

This does not mean that I do not have desires and ideas of my own, but that I am not attached to a certain desire being met NOW or a certain idea coming to fruition NOW. Over the years I’ve been coaching, I’ve noticed that the happiest moments of our lives are when we are going with the flow instead of trying to swim against the tide. People who are ‘going with the flow’ are relaxed, easy-going, enjoying whatever comes up while they are pursuing what they desire.

The Flow is a wonderful travelling companion – go with it, and it will lead you to your best life, faster than you could go alone. Oh, and you’ll also enjoy the journey far more…unless you like to be stressed, lost, fed up, struggling, fighting, walking uphill through treacle, doing it the hard way.

Love

Donna.x

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Take off the pressure

Who is putting all the pressure on you? Would it be you?! Even when someone else is asking you to do something, all you have to do is say ‘no’. Take the decision today to live without the pressure – you will still do all you want to do, just without the stress.

Love

Donna.x

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Disturbing the Water

I went for a swim today, and once again was struck by the differences in the way people swim. Some have their own unique strokes that look enormously inefficient but get them up and down the pool faster than I can move! Some disturb the entire pool, thrashing through the water and in the process creating waves that usually hit me just as I am taking in air, making me splutter. And still others cut gracefully through the water, barely creating a ripple as they go by.

I aspire to be one of the latter ones – at one with the water, enjoying the strokes, getting the distance done but without unecessary effort. In life too, this is my philosophy. I could thrash around, making a lot of noise and leaving mayhem in my wake…but frankly that is far too much like hard work! I could (and I have) devise my own way, looking chaotic but actually moving quite fast…again, it’s too hard! Or I could go through life gracefully, joyfully, finding the path of least resistance and enjoying the flow…Mmmmm, that’s the one for me.

After all, why waste energy disturbing the water (and yourself!) when you don’t need to?

Love

Donna.x

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