You Say “You’re a Flake” Like it’s a Bad Thing

One of my friends was telling me recently that I am ‘such a flake’ – it wasn’t meant as a compliment apparently! Is that anything like you? You get really super enthused about an idea, follow it a little, then get bored/find out it’s not for you/lose interest. Ten minutes later you have another marvelous idea which follows the same pattern. Another hare-brained scheme. Another uncompleted idea. Another “failure”.

And this is a problem why? If it was not for creative, entreprenurial, mercurial, tenacious, stubborn, flighty, flaky people, we would all still be sitting in the dark on a stone floor with no entertainment. Yes, yes, the ability to follow an idea through to completion is good, and if you are one of those lucky folk who knows from the age of 15 what you wish to do with the next 80 years of your life, good for you.

But for the rest of us, being flaky is no bad thing. It is fun. It means that we become very courageous – always trying new things. It builds our confidence. It leads us down paths that many people who stay on the signposted path fail to find. It brings us joy. It makes us interesting. It opens our minds. It broadens our horizons. It potentially brings us to our ‘one path’ (not that I believe in that, but that’s another blog for another day!).

Most great inventors will have had friends and family who poo-poo’d their ideas, told them they were wasting their time and should get ‘a proper job’ and stop trying to invent nuts-o things like light bulbs and tv and blogs. Thankfully they didn’t listen. And nor shall I! My friend, I love you and I really don’t care that you think I’m a flake – I just want you to realise that it is a GOOD thing!

Love

Donna.x
PS this week is your last chance to take advantage of the September Special Offer

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Guest Post: Becoming a More Confident Traveller

Here’s another blog post I spotted recently that I just loved, and had to write immediately to Jamie Ridler to ask for permission to share it with you. Enjoy!

Just over a year ago, I set myself the goal of becoming a more confident traveller and boy, did that start a great adventure! Since then I’ve been to the Kripalu Center in the Berkshires of Massachussets, to Portsmouth, to San Francisco, to Portland and to Halifax and the surrounding area. Every step along the way has invited a little more stretching and I’ve gained a little more experience and a lot more confidence. I’ve gathered amazing tips and strategies from so many of you, ranging from how to deal with my fear of flying to where to stay in Paris.

Yes, Paris!

After years of dreaming – and several appearances on my dreamboards and my vision cards – we are going to France. Justin and I are celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary with this trip. And though we were married in February, we’ve decided to travel in the spring, heading first to Paris and then to Avignon to explore Provence and then down to Nice to experience the French Riviera!!

This is an amazing next step in my Become a More Confident Traveller adventure! It’s the first time I’ve managed multiple destinations and a different language too, so I’m right at my growing edge. In fact, the trip has already brought up some perfect little lessons for me. For example, booking hotels in France checked just about all of my least favourite stretch boxes. For one thing I’m pretty shy and get nervous about calling people on the phone (which is kinda hilarious since I’m a coach that works with people over the phone) and I’m really sensitive about flubbing things up in front of other people (perhaps you’ve heard my ‘learning to skate story’ on Creative Living with Jamie!) Well, I recently reached the point of having to put my credit card down to secure hotel reservations. Up until then, things had been handled cleanly, simply and oh, so easily through email. But I just didn’t feel secure sending all my credit card details that way. I knew I had to call.

But I just couldn’t do it. I completely froze. I even had a big conversation with Justin about how I’m sure our credit information would be just fine in an email. I’m sure people do that all the time. Justin even offered to call and the only thing he can say in French is “poulet rouge”! I was pretty sure “red chicken” wasn’t going to get us our room. Finally, we decided we’d risk email because at least that would get the job done.

As soon as the pressure was off, I found it a bit easier. I tried to figure out what would make it easier still. I wrote out a little script of what I would say in French. I used freetranslation.com whenever I was really stuck. And then I wrote out a little script out in English, so that if it turned out English was fine, I’d also be secure.

I picked up the phone. A friendly voice on the other end said, “Bonsoir” and the name of the hotel. I came back with.. “Bonsoir… um… oh, um… Est-ce que nous pouvons parlez en Anglais?” And the proprietor’s lovely voice, full of smiles, said, “Of course.” I breathed a great sigh, confirmed all of our dates and felt so very proud of myself. When Patrice emailed me our confirmation, I told him how excited we were and that I’ll be working on my French. He very sweetly replied that we could practice together.

At the next hotel, I used the same strategy, with a similar, friendly result. It was clear that making an effort, even a clumsy one, was appreciated. And stretching myself, even with just that one sentence, grew my confidence. In fact, when I had to make a bit of an awkward phone call the other day, the kind I would normally shy away from, I found myself thinking, “Well, at least we both speak English!” and dialing the phone.

In all areas of our life, whether we’re newbies or seasoned, we always have a growing edge. We’ll always have that place that makes us uncomfortable or that stirs up our fear, that place where we are painfully aware of our own incompetence, that place that calls us to step in and stretch.

I follow a yoga podcast called Yogamazing. The other day Chaz, the instructor, said that no matter where we are on the yoga journey, all of us are in the same place when we’re at that growing edge. That made me feel so much better, to know that even if I can’t touch my toes and the yogini beside me has her nose to her knees, at our stretching edge we are the same. The journey is the same. How beautiful is that?”

Bio: Jamie Ridler is a creative living coach and the founder of Jamie Ridler Studios. From coaching to workshops, from podcasting to blogging, Jamie’s work helps women find the confidence and courage to discover and express their creative selves so they can be the star they are.
Links:
Website: Jamie Ridler Studios
Twitter: @starshyne
Facebook: Jamie Ridler Studios Page
Podcast: Creative Living with Jamie

Not only do I love how Jamie is sharing her vulnerability (and thus allowing others to be vulnerable too), but that idea that wherever we are we’re at the growing edge is just wonderful! Oh, and I’ve added to my intentions list for this year “Become a more confident traveller”! Be sure to go check out Jamie, she’s fab!

Love

Donna.x

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Do You Know What Determination Looks Like?

Last week I watched a program about 4 injured soldiers who walked to the North Pole. One had a broken back, one an amputated leg, one an amputated arm, and the last had a paralysed arm and half the muscle on his leg missing. At the end of the program, one of the lads said “I was told to my face I would never do this, but I never had any doubt I would”. The guy with the broken back was told he would never walk again. They made it to the North Pole. To see more about this incredible, inspirational journey, click here.

As I was watching the program about these stunningly determined men, I thought about some challenges I am facing now in my own life, and they shrink to nothing in comparison. If a man with a broken back can walk to the North Pole, I can do anything that is put in my path. Easily! Their journey showed that you can get knocked down and get up again, and again, and again. And that you can do what you put your mind to. Even when most people will think you cannot possibly do it, you can do it if you are sufficiently determined and persistent and you just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

If you have access to the BBC iplayer, you can still see the documentary (Harry’s Arctic Heroes) until Sunday, and I highly recommend it. If not, there are some videos on YouTube. If you are ever feeling worn down, like you are trudging uphill through treacle with steel boots on, remember this story. Remember these men who were told they couldn’t do it…and did. Remember that we humans can triumph over adversity with sufficient determination and persistence. Remember that you CAN do it. It’s got to be easier than walking to the North Pole with a broken back, hasn’t it?!

Have a fantastic weekend!

Love

Donna.x

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OnTheBeach – Confront Obstacles as They Appear

I have been re-reading “Kingdom of the Golden Dragon” by Isabel Allende, and the quote below leapt out at me again. Perhaps it’s something you also need to hear this week?

By the way, there are only 2 places left for my Summer Coaching special offer so if it’s something you’ve been thinking about doing, do it NOW!

- Confront Obstacles As They Appear -

“Confront obstacles as they appear, don’t waste energy fearing what you may meet in the future.”

This quote leapt out at me the first time I read this book, and again this week it jumped out and did a little dance in front of me (metaphorically speaking) to ensure I had noticed it. I am a recovering worry-holic, and there are times when I forget not to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet and just wait and see what happens. I’ve been doing that a little bit lately.

I know it’s a complete waste of time, as most of the things I worry about never happen. In fact, it’s worse than a complete waste of time because it worrying makes life worse. Worrying opens the door to fearfulness which can lead to bad decision making which gives you more to worry about. Worrying is using your imagination to create things you don’t want – horror stories for your life. Who wants that?

If you, like me, have a good, active, creative imagination, worrying is not a good use of all that creative energy because we can just take it too far! That’s why I like this quote so much. It reminds you to stay in the present moment, and trust yourself to deal with whatever comes up in your life. So far, I have been dealing with whatever came up in life – including deaths, job losses, travelling the world alone, illness, accidents, unexpected expenses – for over 38 years.

And most of the time I did a pretty good job too! Occasionally I have cocked up (who hasn’t?), but mostly I dealt with obstacles as they came up. Some took me a while to figure out how to get under, over, round or through…but all have been overcome so far. And I have no reason to doubt that I will continue to do so.

As I’ve got older, I have become more confident, more skilful, wiser, stronger, more optimistic, more positive, have more of a ‘can-do’ attitude, I’ve learned to ask for help, and I take myself even less seriously than I did before. Taking all that into account, I could conclude that not only will I continue to overcome all obstacles I might meet in the future, I shall do it with wit, grace and flair!

Which sounds much more fun than being a worry wort. Do you worry about things that have not yet happened and may never happen? Or do you confront obstacles as they appear? Take a moment now to appreciate that you too are older, wiser, better prepared, more able than you have ever been and that you can handle any obstacle you might meet…when it appears and not a moment sooner!

- Something to Play With -

If you are a bit of a worrier, whenever you find yourself mithering over something that hasn’t happened yet, remind yourself to “Confront obstacles as they appear, don’t waste energy fearing what you may meet in the future.” Leave me a comment below.

Love

Donna.x

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The Diamond in the Rough

This morning I read this lovely article, and it got me thinking – how many of us are hiding the diamond within us? How many of us aren’t fully owning our magnificence? How many of us are standing on the sidelines, just watching life go by around us, thinking we can’t make a difference?

The truth is that you are a wonderful, brilliant, creative, special human being. And if you can’t see that, you need to find people who can show you who you really are. You are capable of so much more than you think, and it is a criminal waste for you to hide that diamond. There are many ways to uncover and polish that precious diamond, including connecting to your source, coaching, playing to your strengths, reading/watching inspirational material, looking in the mirror and seeing the diamond looking back at you.

The main thing you need is a willingness to mine that diamond. I promise you, it is there just waiting to be found. Please, please mine for it, polish it and start shining – the world needs you.

Love

Donna.x

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Nothing Holding You Back

What is holding you back from having a joyous life? What is holding you back from falling in love with life? What is holding you back from doing what you want to do? You may have answered ‘money’, ‘time’, ‘not knowing how or what to do’, maybe it is a person or people, the government, that you are not confident enough, that you have not got the knowledge or the skill or the motivation or the right shoes (!). What is it that holds you back in your life? Identify it all…

Now imagine that there is NOTHING holding you back. There is nothing in your way. You have all the resources, time, intelligence, creativity, support, ideas, motivation, energy that you need to enjoy your life, to fall in love with your life, to do whatever you want to do. Just imagine it for a moment. What would that be like? How would that change things for you? What could you do if there was nothing holding you back? What first step would you take? Why not take that first step right now?

Move towards enjoying your life, falling in love with your life, doing what you want to do…even though there are things holding you back, move forward anyway. Many of the things holding you back will just fall away under the glow of your inspiration and determination…and those that don’t will become more of an inconvenience than a brake on your dreams. Move forward anyway. Do it now, as if there is nothing holding you back. Leave a comment and tell me what you’d do if nothing were holding you back…and then go do it!

Love

Donna.xxxx

PS Put a comment below to tell me what it is that’s holding you back and in a future blog, I’ll address that particular thing more specifically. Trust me, you won’t be alone in whatever it is you feel is holding you back!

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I Have Confidence In Me

Forgive me if you hate ‘the Sound of Music’ – having been to see it at the weekend, I’m having a week of “Sound of Music” themed blog posts! Lol. Today, having confidence in yourself. Let me remind you of part of the lyric to ‘I have confidence in me’:
“I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me”

If you know the film, you will know that this song comes in at a point when Maria does NOT have confidence in herself, she’s out of her depth, scared and about to go into completely new territory. But rather than dwell on what she is unsure of, she concentrates on what she has confidence in and works on building her confidence. In a pinch, what do you do? Build your confidence, or dwell on your uncertainties? Think about what you CAN have confidence in, or go into how you could cock it up?

A brave man is not the one without fear (that’s the idiot), but the one who carries on despite his fear. There are times when we aren’t sure if we can do something. We have a choice whether we carry on regardless, or we choke and stay in the safe place. The trouble is, that safe place starts to become claustrophobic, erodes our confidence more and eventually hurts way more than carrying on regardless would have. So next time you’re on the road to a new adventure, remember to have confidence in you.

Love

Donna.x

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Preoccupied By What’s Wrong

Have you ever noticed how pre-occupied we all are with what’s wrong? The news gives a constant litany of what’s wrong, most of our conversations revolve around what’s wrong, and if you ask anyone about their goals, they are mostly about ‘fixing what’s wrong’. Most people believe that coaches help you to fix what’s wrong…and that’s certainly one perception.

But better than that, your coach can help you turn your focus around to what’s right! You don’t need fixing. No matter how much of a mess your life is in, there will be something good about it, and you have within you EVERYTHING you need to turn the situation around. You are infinitely capable, infinitely wonderful and there is nothing wrong with you.

So here’s a bit of homework from your coach (me!) – what’s right in your world? What are you doing right? What are you great at? What do you have already that will help move you forward to where you want to be? When you start focusing on what’s right and take your attention off how much you suck, your confidence rises, you naturally feel more capable, and you are able to move steadily forward into the wonderful future that is waiting for you.

And if you need any help with this, I’m right here, i would LOVE to work with you, because you are FANTASTIC! Check the coaching pages for more info.

Love

Donna.x

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Abandon Your Inhibitions

Last night I went to see my favourite band in the world, Muse. They are INCREDIBLE live – simply awesome! Anyway, these days I usually stand to the back of the crowd, in plenty of space to dance – I’m less bothered about seeing (although last night I was stood near the cameras so I could see on their screens which was good!) than in losing myself in the music.

Something seems to take over me when I’m at a gig – I become infused by the spirit of Tigger, Zebedee, and if it’s rocky, some headbanging nutter! At one point I noticed that I really was dancing like no one was watching – I had absolutely no shame at all. Once upon a time I would have held back a little, been a bit self-conscious, but last night it wasn’t even as if no one was watching. I just didn’t care!

This is SO freeing, it is so empowering, and it made a night that was already going to be fantastic EVEN BETTER. We get inhibited when we’re small, when we’re told that it’s naughty, or wrong, or something to be embarrassed about when we are uninhibited, but now we’re older we can start to drop some of those chains and dance free, sing free and live free.

You don’t have to be a cross between a headbanger and Tigger/Zebedee, but you can just drop one chain at a time, and start to laugh freely, speak more freely and enjoy your life more freely.

Love

Donna.x

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Stop Putting Yourself Down in Front of Me

I put a little note in an e-mail to a friend the other day “Stop putting yourself down in front of me” – I was semi-kidding, as I’m quite self-deprecating myself, but there was also a serious element to it. Can you imagine if someone followed you round all day, telling you how much you sucked, how stupid, lazy, unattractive and ridiculous you are? How long would it take before you smacked them in the mouth?

Become aware of how much you put yourself down unconsciously – and how much other people do it too. Please do not berate yourself for doing it – it’s a habit we all fall into, and we’re not doing it to be mean, we’re doing it to motivate ourselves or protect ourselves or to help us reach another goal (eg calling us ‘fat’ when we reach for the chocolate and we’re supposed to be dieting!). Ultimately though, it’s not motivating, protective or helpful…so notice it in yourself and others and call it.

And don’t do it in front of me, or I will call you on it! (feel free to call me on it too!)

Love

Donna.x

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