OnTheBeach: Stop Feeling Powerless and Become A Terrier

I was talking to my yoga teacher last night about problem-solving, and how if there’s a problem you try a solution and if that doesn’t work, try something else, and if that doesn’t work, try something else…and so on. My yoga teacher says “yes, you’re a terrier – not everyone is like that!” Really? They aren’t? Then today I was chatting to a coach friend about it, and she is of exactly the same mind as me – if you can’t get over an obstacle, dig under it, go round it, bust through it, chip away at it until you find the way to solve the problem.

Maybe it’s a coach thing? Maybe some people are just naturally more Terrier-like? Maybe we’re not really taught problem-solving skills, and instead learn from what we see. Maybe what we see is that someone has a problem and complains about it endlessly without ever doing anything about it. Maybe we see that someone tries to solve the problem, but gets defeated by the system. Maybe we see so many problems in the world caused by a total lack of common sense. Maybe we’ve even experienced a situation where we tried to solve a problem, but failed.

All of this informs how terrier-like we’re able to be. If we don’t see examples of successful outcomes for Terriers, why would we try to be a Terrier? If we’ve tried and failed, why would we keep trying? Well, mostly because doing nothing is definitely not going to solve the problem. I suspect I wasn’t as much of a terrier when I worked in the corporate world, but since I’ve had my own business, I’ve realised just how tenacious I am (stubborn as a herd of mules!)

Also, I’m a coach. It’s my job to find ways round, over, under and through obstacles. It’s my job to help people take responsibility for their own lives and experiences. It’s my job to help people to stop feeling powerless and become a Terrier. I get to help people to brainstorm ways to solve a problem, suggest new ways to look at situations, and make life better and better in a thousand ways. It’s my default thinking ‘ok, that didn’t work, now what can we try?’ But for some of us, the default thinking is ‘that didn’t work. The end.’

Just as I was writing this, I wandered away to Facebook for a second (I do that – I have the attention span of a gnat) and found this on a motivational poster “I will never truly fail because I will never stop trying”. We are often in situations where we feel powerless and unable to change a thing. Sometimes that is genuinely true. But more often, there is SOMETHING you can do, something else you can try. Sometimes all you need is a different perspective to see another potential solution.

But the moment you give up, you give away your power. That can be a good thing – sometimes we are just trying too hard and need to back off and let the situation work itself out. But sometimes you are giving away your power too soon. Accepting that ‘it’s just the way things are’, ‘the way the economy is’, ‘the way the world works’ can leave you in a hole you can’t escape…a hole entirely of your own making. I’ve lost count of the number of times a client has said to me “I’ve tried EVERYTHING” (top tip: don’t say this to your coach until you have at least 10 things you’ve done to back up the statement!). When I ask what they’ve done, they list one…occasionally two things they’ve tried.

Hmm. Trying one or two things is not ‘everything’. It’s not even ‘many things’. So that’s when you need to be a little more terrier like! Trying one or two things to solve a problem is a start…but why not try 5 or 6 things, maybe even ten or twelve things? Last week I talked about experimentation, and how important it is to evaluate what you are trying. The same applies to problem-solving. When you try a solution and it doesn’t work, evaluate why, then you might get a better idea about what to try next. And keep trying until the problem gets solved.

You don’t need to bang your head against a brick wall – if something isn’t working, evaluate and CHANGE it. You don’t need to become a total pain in the arse either – nagging and going on about an issue doesn’t often solve it. Get your creative hat on and think: What exactly is the problem? And what ideas do you have to solve it? Who else do you know who has solved a similar problem? What did they do? Get help if you need it, but mainly get Terrier like – treat it like a puzzle to be solved, not trouble that just exists to upset your world. Trust me, if you do this, your life will be better – not just because you will fix more of your issues, but because you’ll be more confident, feel more powerful and be in charge of your own life. There’s nothing better!

– Something to Play With –

What problems have you given up on in your life? What issues have been bugging you for a while that you don’t know how to fix? Make a resolution to be a terrier with one problem – brainstorm possible solutions, ask for help, get coaching, sink your teeth in and shake it about until you find the fix. Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below.

Love

Donna.x