Scan And Release
January 26, 2010 by Donna
Filed under Blog posts
Sounds like an IT process doesn’t it? But this is not about technology, it’s about your body. I sat down this morning to watch a bit of the tennis and realised that my shoulders were quite tense (and I wasn’t that bothered about the outcome of the game!). Scanning my body, I realised that I was also holding tension in my feet (wierdly!) and in my jaw!
What about you? Scan your body now – where is the tension? Now release it. Aaaaah, that’s better. Repeat often – we hold a lot of tension out of stress, habit, pain and fear…but then when the stress, pain or fear have gone we keep tension out of habit. So make a new habit and let it go!
Love
Donna.x
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Staying Out of The Drama
July 14, 2009 by Donna
Filed under Blog posts
There are hundreds of little things that happen every day that can pull us into a drama, from thoughtless drivers to stolen purses, from being rained on to disputes with your service providers. We are so used to participating in the little dramas of our lives that we don’t even question that we’ve spent 10 hours moaning to friends about this company or that person. In many cases, most people would agree that we have cause to be livid.
But here’s the interesting thing: getting pulled into the drama is never helpful. And it often makes a situation 10 times worse before it gets better. This morning I had a situation that for an hour, pulled me into the drama. I stressed, I told a friend the whole convoluted story, I worried and I was ‘in the drama’. Then I realised that I was busy ruining my day over something that is an irritation, but nothing more.
I set my intention around this (that it will be sorted out to the satisfaction of all involved), felt gratitude that it is sorted, and let it go. I don’t know how it will be sorted, but I know it will be sorted. And in the meantime, I’m not going to worry. In fact, to distract myself from feeling bad, I went on Youtube and found some more Top Gear clips (including a really random one on caravan conkers that I never saw before!)
There is absolutely no benefit in being pulled into the drama of life. No benefit at all. Not only does it not help to change a situation for the better (of course, more drama can make it worse!), but it also ruins your day. Try this the next time you notice you are ‘in the drama’: state how you want this situation to work out (always being open to a better solution!), be grateful that it’s sorted (even if you can’t see how), let it go and go enjoy your life DESPITE whatever is going ‘wrong’.
None of these petty annoyances that you won’t care about in a years’ time are worth even a moment of stress, sadness, or anger on your part.
Love
Donna.x
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Playing the Game
July 13, 2009 by Donna
Filed under Blog posts
The Game of Life.
How are you playing? Are you fighting over ever throw of the dice, taking it all personally, giving up after a few throws, deciding that you will never win so why play, getting pissed off with other players for getting the wins that you wanted, sulking, taking it very seriously or being enormously competitive?
In other words, are you forgetting that it’s a game? Life (in my humble opinion) is FUN! We get to do some really cool stuff on this planet – dancing, laughing, horizontal exercise 
, bouncing, loving, being with friends, watching crap tv, seeing the sunrise and set, watching the seasons turn and the kids grow.
When you remember that its a game to be played and enjoyed, you can change your experience of it. Instead of it being hard and stressful, it becomes easy and fun…and you get to learn to play better rather than making the same mistakes over again. And the best thing about this game? There are no losers. You can only win the game of life.
Love
Donna.x
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Why is Rest a Dirty Word?
June 9, 2009 by Donna
Filed under Blog posts
Tell me something: Why is it that we find it desirable to work so hard that we have no time for our family and friends? Why is it that we are impressed by people who are terribly busy? Why is it that our working lives are dominated by stress and tension and no one sees that as a bad thing? Why is resting, taking care of yourself, enjoying your life (without the mad, hectic lifestyle) seen as lazy, wrong or bad?
We were not put on this earth to ’see how much we could get done’. Well, you might have been, but I certainly was not. I was put here to ’see how much joy I could enjoy’, and this philosophy of ‘nose to the grindstone and never mind the consequences (ill health, stress, relationships)’ is in direct opposition to my purpose for being here. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to rest, chill, relax, have fun, take care of myself, and my to do list can wait til that mission is accomplished!
Love
Donna.x
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You Gotta Have Friends
May 14, 2009 by Donna
Filed under Blog posts
Among the many wonderful things about self-employment, there are a few things that totally suck. One is the fact that every day you have to pick yourself up to work – whether you feel good or bad, prosperous or broke, whether everything is going well or everything is going wrong, whether you have lots of clients or are wondering if the whole world left for another planet and no one told you. Every morning, day after day, you have to pick yourself up to do some work.
And no one else tells you what you need to be doing either. You can work for a week on something and then realise it doesn’t work and have to start again. You have moments where it is all coming together, and moments when it all falls apart. Days when you seem to meet ideal clients, business partners, mentors and new friends with ease, and days when you are so isolated you accost the postman for a chat.
There are times when this gets exhausting, and all you want to do is lay your head on the desk and weep. And at these times there are 2 things to remember: Number one, check your level of self-care – when you’re self-employed it is even more important that you take care of the engine, because if your engine breaks there’s no one else to step in. And Number two, you gotta have friends – remember they are there for you when you need them.
I recently had one of those days where everything looked immensely bleak, it was all very difficult and I was too exhausted to pick myself up and carry on. Luckily one of my friends called as I was in the middle of my stress, and the troops rallied round to help me. One friend offered me money, one offered me a facial, one offered me a big hug, one offered me a shoulder to (literally) cry on, and one told me that if I got in this state without calling her again, she’d beat me up!
See, you gotta have friends!
Love
Donna.x
PS thank you friends. Love you. xxx
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It Doesn’t Matter
April 30, 2009 by Donna
Filed under Blog posts
OH MY GOD! I’m still not feeling 100%…it doesn’t matter.
I didn’t do all the housework today…it doesn’t matter.
I didn’t do everything I wanted to do workwise today…it doesn’t matter.
I didn’t go to the gym today…it doesn’t matter.
I haven’t taken over the world today…it doesn’t matter.
Why doesn’t it matter? Because none of this is life shattering! It is only my expectations that I ’should’ have perfect health all the time (insane!), have a sparkling house (never gonna happen!), finish every work ‘thing’ I ever thought of (yeah, right!), go to the gym every day (unrealistic…and unwanted!), take over the world (like I’d want that responsibility?!). So what does matter?
Only that you feel good. Life is here to enjoy – most of the stuff we get stressed about DOESN’T MATTER! Feeling good, now that’s important!
Love
Donna.x
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A Quick Trip To Chuntersville
January 29, 2009 by Donna
Filed under Blog posts, Donna's Life
Let me give you a little insight into my head this morning “oh I can’t face getting up, it’s bloody grey again, I hate rain, I hate January, I need some sunlight, it’s a terrible shame for me, I don’t want to do that, why can’t people just leave me alone, I’ll never get this done, my desk is a mess, I don’t want to…” As you can imagine, it wasn’t much fun being me today! At one point I wanted to put my head on the desk and cry buckets.
I am not generally a whiner (except in winter), but I have my moments where everything is a stress, a chore, a pain and I just wish the whole world would leave me alone. When I am being a whiner there is usually a reason for it – no, not that everyone in the world is a pain in the ass – today that reason was that I was tired and feeling a little run down. Perfectly simple, but my attention was firmly focused on the outside of me, at where everything and everyone was annoying me!
Your true self is a sunny, optimistic, excitable being (remember that one that you were when you were 3 years old – that was you before the world drummed it out of you) so often when you feel bad, it is because you are holding yourself apart from who you really are. When you look into WHY you are holding yourself away from who you really are, you can fix it. In my case, all I needed was a little tlc and I was right as rain again. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned rain, I feel another little chunter coming on…
Love
Donna.x
PS Only 2 more days left to take advantage of this month’s special offer
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OnTheBeach – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
“Let your heart be light. From now on, our troubles will be out of sight.” So sang Judy Garland in 1944. 64 years later, can you imagine a Merry Little Christmas? Can you imagine your troubles being miles away? Or is Christmas going to be just another stressor on a long list of stressors? Many people I have spoken to in the last few days are at breaking point –enormously stressed out. The cold weather, the economy, the money worries, having so much to do and so little time has brought many of us to the point of screaming.
I must admit that losing a friend, losing a car, and trying to pack in 5 weeks work into 3 while Christmas shopping, car shopping and so on has made me slightly fraught too. My shoulders are up around my ears, I am even more short tempered than usual, and I’m not sleeping (which regular readers will know is a recipe for disaster). Thinking back on Christmas’s past, this stress usually lasts until Christmas Eve, at the point when I can do no more…and when the old movies come on the telly.
White Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life, Meet me in St Louis. Sigh. Even thinking about them makes my entire body sigh into a sofa-ready position. I love a feel-good film, it helps me to relax and enjoy my Christmas. I love the cheesiness of Christmas films, the light-heartedness that comes out of the telly and into me. I love that sense that Christmas is a little break for everyone. I love the hush that comes over the world on Christmas night, when everywhere is closed and most of us leave the freneticism of our normal lives behind just for a few hours.
Often that break is so desperately needed that we only let the relaxation in unconsciously. This year, why not decide to let your heart be light, and just for a few days, let your troubles go. You can pick them back up again in 2009 – it’s only a few days away now. We’ve all been waiting so long for Christmas (in the UK it’s been building up since August – insanely), why not decide right now to make damn sure you enjoy it as much as possible.
Once the decision is made to let go and enjoy your Christmas, make sure you back up your decision. Take a deep breath and say to yourself “I am going to have a Merry Little Christmas, my heart will be light and my troubles will be out of sight…and out of mind!” If your troubles come back to mind, tell them you will look at them again in the New Year, and that they should have a Merry Little Christmas too. You never know, you might even get used to having a light heart and decide to keep it into 2009.
Something to play with
If you were going to have a Merry Little Christmas, what would need to change this week? What can you do to ensure that your Christmas is Merry and your heart is light? Go, do it.
Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below.
A note from Donna
Wishing each and every one of you a Very Merry Christmas, and all the luck, love and laughter you deserve in 2009! Thank you for being with me in 2008, and I look forward to continuing to entertain, inspire and provoke thought for you in 2009. This is the last OnTheBeach for this year, but do check into my blog if you get a chance over the festive period – there you will find little festive snippets, ideas on seeing out the old year and welcoming in a faaabulous New Year. See you next year!
Can I help you to make your life even more amazing in 2009? I have a very special festive offering for you, 20% off all coaching packages – to get more details, or to apply, go to Festive Offers. If the idea of getting some coaching appeals, don’t wait, places will be limited and the offer will expire in the New Year.
To receive the OnTheBeach newsletters directly into your inbox every week, go to the sign up page.
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OnTheBeach – Will This Still Matter Tomorrow?
A note from Donna
Since the gig I went to last Tuesday, my throat has been playing up and my voice has run the range between Minnie Mouse and that woman with a husky, low, smoker’s voice off Coronation Street of 20 years ago – can’t remember her name! I was listening to the messages my body was sending me – I needed rest desperately…and sadly my plans to snooze the afternoon away were thwarted 3 days in a row. (Do you think these people know telepathically the worst time to call?) This is a time for perseverance – I will get an afternoon snooze! Zzzzzzzzzz.
Will This Still Matter Tomorrow?
Woah, what a week! It’s been a real rollercoaster of a week, with trials, tribulations and stressors abounding…only most of these trials and tribulations are very short lived. I can’t even remember what stressed me out on Monday, Tuesday’s trial was a storm in a teacup, Wednesday’s stressor is a possibility that won’t happen until next year if at all, Thursday’s tribulation was a huge deal one minute, and non-existent the next! Sheesh.
Most of the time I’m very laid back and easy going (or I like to think so anyway!), but just occasionally I get sucked into drama. This week most of the drama has been about other people, but a couple of things have been going on in my head too…and all of it has been a fuss over nothing! How often do you get caught up in dramas that are enormously stressful, get you worried and anxious, and then blow over within a week?
We have a tendency to get caught up in what’s happening right now, losing perspective and working ourselves into a frenzy. Life is so much harder when you are being battered by every storm that comes your way. Of course, there is the occasional hurricane…but most of the storms only need an umbrella, not a full-scale town evacuation! It’s nice to have the odd drama-queen moment, but when you live your whole life in that state of adrenaline and crisis it is hard work!
Before you get caught up in the crisis will this still matter tomorrow? (to the tune of ‘Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow’!) Will it matter in a week’s time? Will it matter in a month? Will it matter in 6 months? Will it matter in a year? Will it matter in 5 years? Now you have a sense of how important this is in the grand scheme of things – is your reaction appropriate? Is it in perspective? Is it worth feeling bad about? Is it worth risking your health? Is it worth wasting time being angry?
Many of the little dramas we get caught up in on a day to day basis are relatively unimportant, and although irritating at the time, not significant enough for us to lose our peace over. Spilt coffee? Won’t matter tomorrow. Idiot drivers on the road? Won’t matter next week. Bitchiness at work? Won’t matter in 5 years time. What will matter? That you had fun, that you were your best self, that you gave and received love, that you were joyful and happy and didn’t waste energy and time and stress on things that won’t matter tomorrow.
A note from Donna
Since the gig I went to last Tuesday, my throat has been playing up and my voice has run the range between Minnie Mouse and that woman with a husky, low, smoker’s voice off Coronation Street of 20 years ago – can’t remember her name! I was listening to the messages my body was sending me – I needed rest desperately…and sadly my plans to snooze the afternoon away were thwarted 3 days in a row. (Do you think these people know telepathically the worst time to call?) This is a time for perseverance – I will get an afternoon snooze! Zzzzzzzzzz.
Will This Still Matter Tomorrow?
Woah, what a week! It’s been a real rollercoaster of a week, with trials, tribulations and stressors abounding…only most of these trials and tribulations are very short lived. I can’t even remember what stressed me out on Monday, Tuesday’s trial was a storm in a teacup, Wednesday’s stressor is a possibility that won’t happen until next year if at all, Thursday’s tribulation was a huge deal one minute, and non-existent the next! Sheesh.
Most of the time I’m very laid back and easy going (or I like to think so anyway!), but just occasionally I get sucked into drama. This week most of the drama has been about other people, but a couple of things have been going on in my head too…and all of it has been a fuss over nothing! How often do you get caught up in dramas that are enormously stressful, get you worried and anxious, and then blow over within a week?
We have a tendency to get caught up in what’s happening right now, losing perspective and working ourselves into a frenzy. Life is so much harder when you are being battered by every storm that comes your way. Of course, there is the occasional hurricane…but most of the storms only need an umbrella, not a full-scale town evacuation! It’s nice to have the odd drama-queen moment, but when you live your whole life in that state of adrenaline and crisis it is hard work!
Before you get caught up in the crisis will this still matter tomorrow? (to the tune of ‘Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow’!) Will it matter in a week’s time? Will it matter in a month? Will it matter in 6 months? Will it matter in a year? Will it matter in 5 years? Now you have a sense of how important this is in the grand scheme of things – is your reaction appropriate? Is it in perspective? Is it worth feeling bad about? Is it worth risking your health? Is it worth wasting time being angry?
Many of the little dramas we get caught up in on a day to day basis are relatively unimportant, and although irritating at the time, not significant enough for us to lose our peace over. Spilt coffee? Won’t matter tomorrow. Idiot drivers on the road? Won’t matter next week. Bitchiness at work? Won’t matter in 5 years time. What will matter? That you had fun, that you were your best self, that you gave and received love, that you were joyful and happy and didn’t waste energy and time and stress on things that won’t matter tomorrow.
Something to play with
Whenever you are losing your cool (or even afterwards!) ask yourself if this will matter tomorrow, or next week, or next year…if not, can you just let it go?
Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below.
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OnTheBeach – A Day at the Beach
A note from Donna
Well, it’s all going on at my YouTube channel – not only have I answered the first of the ‘Ask Donna’ questions, I announce here a new website with a new way to get in touch with me – www.blissquest.com, and share with you some sarcasm from my guidance – who said spirit didn’t have a sense of humour?! Check it out at www.youtube.com/donnaonthebeach.
A Day At The Beach
It seemed like an excellent idea – I’d drive to my friend’s house, and then she’d drive to the beach from there and we would spend the day at the beach. We didn’t consider 3 things: 1. Directions – how hard could it be to get from London to the coast?! 2. It was the hottest day of the year (although given the rest of British Summer Time, we would never have guessed the weather would be so good!) and 3. The world and his dog were also heading to the beach for the last weekend of the ‘summer’.
The flat facts: we ended up on the wrong motorway, heading 60 miles west of where we wanted to go and ended up getting to the beach at 5 in the afternoon (having set off before lunch!). Feeling sorry for me yet? Please don’t – it was a fabulous day…and what the flat facts don’t tell you is that we stopped for lunch in the lovely little town of Chichester, if we’d gone the ‘right’ way we’d have been stuck in traffic just as long, both of us have Irish ancestry so our pale irish skin would have burnt to a crisp had we got to the beach any earlier…and we had 3 lovely hours at the beach watching the sunset when it wasn’t crammed full with people. Perfection.
So why am I telling you this story? Well, because both of us were supremely unconcerned about the plans going slightly awry…and that was what made it such a great day. I could imagine another 100 cars in a similar position with its occupants getting stressed out, angry and fed up, and never looking for the silver lining in their particular cloud. Think about it, how would you have reacted to discover that you were on the wrong motorway, heading away from where you wanted to go, and stuck in traffic on the hottest day of the year?
Would you have been relaxed, easy-going, happy that things would work out perfectly in the end? Or would you have been stressed, pissed off and busy complaining at top volume? Ok, it made it easier that my friend is possibly the most easy going person alive (and has been since the womb apparently!), but my general attitude is that something good will happen…even if it’s not entirely what I expect!
How often have you made a situation worse by being arsey about things you have no control over? Or got totally stressed about your plans going awry? It may amaze you to hear that sometimes things don’t work out as you expect…or have you experienced that yourself once or twice?? And you may also have noticed that stress rarely adds fun, enjoyment…or even any help at all to a situation! So let go of the reins a bit, and let life take you on a comedy detour…and enjoy it!
Something to play with
This week make a real effort to enjoy it when your plans don’t work out the way you planned and go with the flow – who knows, this turn of events might be even better – it was for us!
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