Wearing Your Stress as a Badge of Honour

I was speaking with a client this week about her work ethic and how this affected her stress levels. She told me that she wears her stress ‘like a badge of honour’. She is proud of how much stress she can take. She is rewarded for taking on more projects than one person can reasonably handle, and her friends admire her for being able to handle her stress.

Sounds great, right? There is only one minor problem – she hates the pressure and it is making her ill. Ah. Suddenly it’s not so great being superwoman – the expectations people have of her (including her own) are too high, and too demanding. Fortunately she is coming to realise that this is not the way it has to be. I know she’s not alone in this. I did something similar in a previous life – taking on too much and feeling important because I had so much ‘on’.

Do you ever feel the same? It’s a sad situation when people are rewarded for how quickly they can grind themselves into the ground, how busy they are, and how little they are enjoying their life. In these days of being able to ‘have it all’ it seems that we prefer the fiction that an overfull life is great over the fact that an overfull life makes you ill.

In case you’re unsure, let me make my position on this perfectly clear – stress is not something to be proud of. I do not admire stressed people. I admire happy, balanced, successful people. Success is not (to me) working an 80 hour week, and being available by mobile phone at 4am on your holiday. Success is not running from social engagement to social engagement being unable to enjoy any of them because you are too tired and too busy thinking about everything you have to do.

I would much rather say ‘I am loving life’ this year than ‘I had a nervous breakdown’. Wearing your stress like a badge of honour is dangerous to your health. Because of the harmful effects of stress, companies are required by law to provide reasonable stress management measures for their staff. Personally, I think individuals need to provide reasonable de-stressing measures for themselves. And the first one to adopt is to treat stress appropriately.

Think about your relationship with stress – is it healthy? Do you use your stress to get you out of the way of a speeding bullet or as a signal that something needs to change. Or do you wear your stress like a badge of honour? How about a different badge of honour – be proud of how relaxed you are! Or is that too radical for the noughties?

- Something to Play With -

Treat stress as a warning sign that your life needs to change. Ask yourself (if you’re stressed) how you can simplify, what you can do to take extremely good care of yourself (make sure you have my free ebook for self care ideas), what you can do to relax and ENJOY your life to the full rather than fill your life to the brim and miss out on any fun! Want to share your thoughts on this article? Please leave a comment.

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In Praise of Laze

I was talking to someone I coached about 5 years ago the other day, and she reminded me of something I’d asked her to do – get comfortable with, and allow herself to be, lazy. Like so many other things, laziness gets such a bad rap that many of us will work ourselves into an early grave just to avoid being branded ‘lazy’. But laziness has its place…and if you are more type ‘A’ than type ‘zzzzzzzzzz’, maybe this is something you could try out over Easter.

I love a bit of lazing about. I love to relax. I love to be on holiday with nothing to do but walk by the sea, read, eat and enjoy myself. I like to enjoy my life…and if that makes me ‘lazy’, so be it. Am I really ‘lazy’? Well, given half a chance, yes. But the rest of the time, I work hard so I think a bit of laziness can be forgiven. Because there is a lovely balance between laziness and busyness, and a person needs both in their life to be happy.

Think about it – you’ve ticked a thousand things off your to do list – are you satisfied? Oh no, there’s another thousand things to do. Bah. Time for laziness. Get comfortable with, and allow yourself to be, lazy. Laze around, relax, chill out, don’t do something off your to do list (I can hear your collective gasps of horror!), just enjoy a moment of ease. This easter, give laziness a go. And let me know how you do!

Love

Donna.x
PS Happy Easter! May the Easter bunny satisfy your every chocolatey dream! xxx

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Scan And Release

Sounds like an IT process doesn’t it? But this is not about technology, it’s about your body. I sat down this morning to watch a bit of the tennis and realised that my shoulders were quite tense (and I wasn’t that bothered about the outcome of the game!). Scanning my body, I realised that I was also holding tension in my feet (wierdly!) and in my jaw!

What about you? Scan your body now – where is the tension? Now release it. Aaaaah, that’s better. Repeat often – we hold a lot of tension out of stress, habit, pain and fear…but then when the stress, pain or fear have gone we keep tension out of habit. So make a new habit and let it go!

Love

Donna.x

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If It Wasn’t Personal…

I was talking to a friend last night about taking things personally. In the UK, we have a horrible habit of taking things personally – someone is a bit ‘funny’ with us and we take it personally, our employer brings in a new rule and we take it personally, the weather is rubbish and we take it personally.

I remember a friend of mine being really worried that she’d upset somebody who she thought was blanking her. She couldn’t think what she’d done, and she mithered about it for weeks. In the end, she asked this woman if she was ok, and she wasn’t – she had been diagnosed with cancer! It was absolutely sod all to do with my friend.

Much as we like to believe that we are the centre of the universe, we’re not for anyone but ourselves…and that’s as it should be! So the next time that you notice that you are taking something personally, ask yourself “What if this isn’t personal?” and relax – your life will be much easier when you don’t take every little thing personally.

And if it is personal…so what?! Even if someone does have a problem with YOU, it’s THEIR problem. Let them keep it.

Love

Donna.x

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Worry Checklist

Worry is one of the biggest wastes of time there is, and unlike many other wastes of time (tv, the internet, housework) there is no reward, no fun, no point at all! And yet we all do it, so I thought I would share with you my Worry Checklist:

So, here’s a ‘check list’ for when you are worrying:
1. What can I do about it right now? If there is something, do it and stop worrying. If nothing, go to number 2.
2. What can I do about it later? If there is something, plan to do it and stop worrying. If nothing, go to number 3.
3. What can I do about it tomorrow? If there is something, plan to do it and stop worrying. If nothing, go to number 4.
4. What can I do about it ever? If there is something, plan to do it and stop worrying. If nothing, go to number 5.
5. There is nothing I can do about this thing. Will I even give a shit in a year’s time? If not, stop worrying! If yes, go to number 6.
6. What do I want to happen? Eg if I am worried about a bill, I will say “I see this bill paid off with ease”; if I am worried about a person, I will say “I see this person healthy, happy, calm” or whatever. Rather than mull over what might go wrong, what might have gone wrong and what might be wrong right now, say it as you want to see it and mull over that for a few minutes instead.
7. Last step in the worry checklist is to call on spirit (God, Goddess, Angels, the Universe, your higher self) for help to let go of worrying. My favourite statement (this month!) is “No matter how things look, I know the universe/god/whatever has it all under control. I release this to you universe/god/whatever to deal with as I know you’ll do a better job than I could do.” I always feel better then…although if I’m really worrying, I might repeat this a few (hundred) times!

Let me know if it works for you.

Love

Donna.x
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Awaken Your Inner Tortoise

On TED I found this talk from Carl Honore, the author of “In Praise of Slow” – one of my favourite books. If you are living life in the fast lane and finding it’s not as much fun as it used to be, watch this video!

Let me know what you think – leave a comment below.

Love

Donna.x

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Why is Rest a Dirty Word?

Tell me something: Why is it that we find it desirable to work so hard that we have no time for our family and friends? Why is it that we are impressed by people who are terribly busy? Why is it that our working lives are dominated by stress and tension and no one sees that as a bad thing? Why is resting, taking care of yourself, enjoying your life (without the mad, hectic lifestyle) seen as lazy, wrong or bad?

We were not put on this earth to ’see how much we could get done’. Well, you might have been, but I certainly was not. I was put here to ’see how much joy I could enjoy’, and this philosophy of ‘nose to the grindstone and never mind the consequences (ill health, stress, relationships)’ is in direct opposition to my purpose for being here. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to rest, chill, relax, have fun, take care of myself, and my to do list can wait til that mission is accomplished!

Love

Donna.x

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The Off Switch

Because of the environmental impact of our energy usage, the ‘off switch’ has got a lot of publicity. Basically, if you’re not using it, switch it off – why use energy to power a standby button? What about your personal off switch? Are you in the habit of using it, or are you always ready to spring into action? My family are particularly rubbish at using their off switch – my dad recently went part time at work…and is busier on his days off than when he’s working.

My mom is like the energiser bunny – she can’t sit down until 200 jobs are completed. And me? Well I’m slightly better at it than my parents…but if you watch very closely, you will see that I am often multi-tasking…and because I am self-employed, my work tends to bleed into the weekend until I can’t remember the last time I didn’t switch on my laptop for 24 hours. Even when I’m out of the office for the day, I’ll get home, eat my tea and switch on for a couple of hours.

But last night I found my off-switch. I decided that I could leave my laptop switched off, and just relax instead. (Pause for collective gasp of amazement!) This weekend, find your off-switch and use it. Unlike the TV, stereo or computer, we recharge ourselves when we are switched off so give yourself a chance and CHILL!

Love

Donna.x

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Chill Out

Time’s might be tough, there may be lots of things to worry about and fret about, but how does that fretfulness help you to survive the tough times? It doesn’t…it makes it even worse. Remember always that you are a resourceful, wonderful human being and you can cope with whatever life throws at you. And if you can relax, chill out, be laid back…the experience will be easier.

Love

Donna.x

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The Daily Constitutional

In The Independent, John Walsh wrote about the pleasures we have lost because we’re usually in so much of a hurry. Here’s part of what he wrote:

“How long is it since you entertained the concept of Going For A Walk? I don’t mean the urgent dash to the shops on Saturday afternoon, or the purposeful not-quite-run on the common in your expensive trainers. I mean the purposeless amble through the backstreets of your fashionable suburb, taking in the sights, peering through windows (but don’t push your luck) and greeting neighbours with a cheery doffing of one’s Homburg. The lack of any actual goal, other than getting out of the house and seeing what the world is up to, is what gives the random constitutional its old-fashioned charm.”

This came from Jurgenn Wolff’s e-bulletin a few months ago, and it’s a great reminder! When was the last time you had a good mooch around for no purpose at all? I get to mooch on a daily basis because my dog needs walking…so there is a purpose…but I still do it as a nice gentle mooch. This week (when the skies have been clear) I’ve been mooching to the top of the hill across the road and watching the sunset. Now I know I said ‘mooch for no purpose at all’, but as reasons to mooch go, this one is hard to beat!

Go mooching.

Love

Donna.x

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