Unstick Your Stuck Pooh Stick

Remember Pooh-sticks? The game Winnie the Pooh and friends played where they drop a stick into the water on one side of the bridge, and the first stick to reach the other side wins. Now, imagine that life is like a game of Pooh sticks…and you are the stick. The stick is happily floating downstream in the river of life…until it gets stuck. Maybe it’s wedged in with a bunch of other sticks, maybe it’s caught in a little eddy, going round and round and round.

Does this sound like your life? Is your stick stuck? Does it help your stick to complain about being stuck to all the other sticks? Does it help to moan that your stick is too fat, too stupid, too stuck? No. Your stick is still stuck. The stick isn’t a bad stick for getting stuck – it just got stuck. It happens in the river of life. Some sticks float down the river without ever getting stuck (although I’ve not once met one!), but most get stuck sometimes.

Now imagine that all you have to do is get your stick unstuck…that’s your only task. See the thing about getting stuck is that you don’t have to stay stuck. Sometimes you will need to move a load of other sticks around you to be able to move, sometimes it’s just a matter of pointing the stick back downstream, and sometimes you have to throw a rock at the stick to get it moving.

Again, the stick isn’t bad…no matter what it takes to get it moving again, the stick is just stuck. No more, no less. Are you getting the relevance of this metaphor to your life? Maybe you are not stuck right now…if not, great! Remember to enjoy the flow of life, and notice what is going on around you. Maybe you can avoid getting stuck for a while. When (if) you do get stuck, and if you are stuck now, your only task is to get unstuck.

My stick gets stuck on a regular basis – it might be a business challenge, or relationships, or outside influences, or health trouble, or writing, or any other ‘obstacle’ in life. I don’t mind getting stuck anymore, because I know lots of tools that will help me move my stick – coaching, journalling, gratitude, vision, friends, colleagues, clients, the list is endless. A few years ago the only way I knew was to throw a rock at the stick!

I want you to know that you don’t have to throw a rock at the stick – life change doesn’t have to be shocking and hard, and totally disorientating. You can let it be easy. As long as you are working on getting your stick back into the flow of life, it’s all good. And where is the flow going? Well, Nirvana of course. The joyful life. It’s not that far away…you just might get stuck a time or two. But your only job is to keep your stick unstuck and flowing.

I wish you this weekend a flowing, wonderful, joyous ride on the river of life!

Love

Donna.x

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What do You Want For Others?

Yesterday I realised that I have been so caught up in the business of ‘making my business successful’ that I had forgotten the most important thing - what I want for my clients. Not from them, for them. You see, I want the people who come to me for coaching to be able to realise and access their inner magnificence, to connect with who they truly are and what they truly want, to use their intuitive guidance to make their lives completely amazing…and to trust themselves enough to allow their intuition to take over. Oh, and above all, to live joyfully, and dance and laugh their way through life.

When I remember this, business takes on a more ’service’ aspect, becomes less about what I can get or achieve and more about the difference that I can make to 1 or 1000 or 1,000,000 lives. It is all too easy in this world just to get caught up in the race for success, without stopping to think about why we’re doing it in the first place. You can probably think of many examples of people who had ideals and integrity when they started out, but then got caught up in the culture of doing, fighting, pushing and forgot why they began that journey.

I believe most politicians fit in this category. They start out wanting to change the world, and then they get bogged down in the bureaucracy and mind-blowing slowness of change, and they simply forget what they initially set out to do! All of us have our bills to pay, our lives to live, our own agendas in life…but sometimes when you reconnect with what you want for others, you find a better way of doing what you do, increase your enjoyment of life, and you serve others.

So think of all the people in your life - what do you want for them? Your clients, your friends, your family, your neighbours, your community? And is your action in alignment with those desires? You may want your children to be happy - is criticising them adding to or distracting from their happiness? You may want your clients to have a great experience of working with you - is moaning about them or delaying returning their calls giving them a great experience?

Get back in touch with what you want for others and find the reasons why you do what you do, whether at work or at home. By the way, never sacrifice yourself to please someone else! Ultimately their experience of life is their business, but you can certainly influence that.

Love

Donna.x

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Writing and The Work

A note from Donna
I was telling a friend about this insight a couple of weeks ago, and she suggested that it would make an interesting article. This is based on ‘The Work’, a four-step process used by Byron Katie (see recommendation) – the premise is that you explore a stressful thought through these four questions and the turnaround. On this particular day, I was exploring why I wasn’t writing, which surfaced the most beautiful belief: If I only write when I want to, I’ll never write.

Writing and The Work
If I only write when I want to, I’ll never write. Question 1: Is this True? No. (Question 2 is ‘Can I know for sure that this is true?’ – irrelevant in this case as it is not true in the first place!)

Question 3: How do I react when I believe this thought “if I only write when I want to, I’ll never write”? I get p***ed off. I compare myself unfavourably to other writers who force the process to get themselves flowing. I get mardy because I don’t want to do that at all. I love writing, but this takes the joy out of it for me. I don’t want to write when I believe this thought!

Question 4: Who would I be without this thought? Oh wow, I feel light, free, happy, I’m looking forward to writing, I’m excited about creating more fabulous stuff. I know that I create well when I am inspired so I feel really proud (in advance) of what I will create.

Turnarounds:
If I only write when I want to, I’ll always write. This feels so much more true – I’ve been writing regularly now for 6 years and I am always having ideas and inspirations…and I love writing. So if I don’t ruin it for myself and make it a chore, I will always want to do it.
If I never write when I want to I’ll never write. Yes! Very true – if I’m always trying to ‘make’ myself do it, I’ll kill the desire to do it!
If I only write when I don’t want to, I’ll never write. Yes! This is exactly what’s been happening.

This exploration helped me to realise something – I have never wanted to create in a formulaic way, to me it kills the creativity. And yet here I have been, trying to force structure around something that isn’t structured. And that forcing has actually been slowing down my writing. So, now I am back to writing when I want to…and LOVING it!

Something to play with
Check out www.thework.com for instructions about doing the work, or buy the book, and then start to explore your stressful thoughts – you may find, as I did, that your stressful thought is a load of b***cks!

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below.

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OnTheBeach - Drop the Story

We all have our stories - created by how we grew up, how our love life has gone, how our career has been so far, how our friendships and social life have been. Sometimes these stories can be useful - for example, you may know from experience that when somone only gives you their mobile number and is usually in the garage when they speak to you, chances are they are already in a relationship! So your ‘old’ story may give you fair warning when you encounter a similar situation.

However, the past does not predict the future. Just because the sun shone yesterday does not mean in will shine today (especially relevant if you live in the UK!). Just because you were let down, dumped, made redudant, in trouble, lonely, tired yesterday does not mean you will be in the same situation tomorrow. Sometimes we let our story of our lives get in the way of this moment we’re in, and we judge this moment we’re in by our story, unfairly.

For example, on Monday I was tired. 7 years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so when I am tired there is a whole big story there to do with exhaustion, being unable to think, not having the energy to exercise or go anywhere. For a while the story served me because it stopped me from overdoing it, it made me far more conscious of my limitations and my energy patterns. But then, on Monday, I realised that the story had become a millstone around my neck.

Because on Monday, I was tired. Nothing more. The thousand other times I’d been tired for months were irrelevant, because I was just tired. And since I had that realisation, I’ve noticed that lots of us make our ’story’ more important than the reality. And if we just ‘drop’ the story, and look at what’s here now, we might just have a different take on it. I’m sure you know someone (maybe even yourself) who has built up a catalogue of complaints against a colleague, a boss, or a spouse.

What if you were to drop that story just for today and just treat them as you would if you didn’t have the litany of reasons to be cross with them? What would change in your love life, your career, your friendships, your social life, your health if you dropped your story about that area? What might be different? I discovered that when I dropped my stories about my life, I felt lighter, freer, more ‘in the present’, and ultimately, happier! It may be that your story is a wonderful fairy tale, but if you are telling horror stories about your life, maybe it’s time to drop them and let a new story be told?

Something to Play With
What is the story you are telling yourself and others about your life? About your relationships? About your finances? Your career? Your social life? Drop the story for a moment, and imagine that you have no history in this area - does it look different? Does the story change? Do you want to create and tell a new story?

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OnTheBeach - Are Your Good Habits Wrecking Your Life?

I have written a lot about self-care over the last few years (for my free ebook on self-care, click here), and the basic idea of self-care is doing things that care for you – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am often intrigued by how people (including myself) do the opposite of self-care, they self-hurt. Not necessarily by cutting themselves or in any obvious way ‘self-harming’, but by not noticing when the little things that make up a life detract from their enjoyment. And sometimes it is the so-called good habits that turn toxic.

One of the reasons I was so grateful to be sick last week was that it forced me to cut out so many things that I normally do…and to notice when I was doing something that actually made me feel worse. For example, I have a series of ‘daily practices’ that help me make my life amazing, like meditations, yoga, gratitude, journalling, channelling, affirmations. But I had made them into a chore by trying to do 15 things every day - whether I wanted to or not.

The irony is that I do these to make myself feel better, but I spent half the day avoiding the chore and berating myself for not doing them. (oh how I laughed when I realised what I was doing!) So they didn’t make me feel better! Each process, each item, done in its right time does help me - whether physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually…but that doesn’t mean I have to gorge on them!

Awareness is the key to making sure that something or someone who once enhanced your life and made it better STILL does. It’s amazing how often we continue with a so-called ‘good’ habit long after it stops serving us. Let me be clear here: to my mind, something serves you and enhances your life if you get joy from it. So running for 5 miles a day does not count if you hate it. If you love to run, then that’s something that serves you and enhances your life.

If we really believed in our inherent worth, we would never tolerate habits, or anything that did not serve us. Imagine believing so much in your divine magnificence that you nurtured yourself, cared for yourself, put your joy before your ‘should’s, gave yourself the tender, loving, gentle, total love and respect. Imagine if every ‘good’ habit you had added to your joy, instead of being a chore and wrecking your life!

Something to play with
Check your ‘good’ habits. Do the things that you do to make your life better make you feel fabulous? If not, maybe it’s time to swap a tired old habit for a new shiny, joyful one?

Leave me a comment with your thoughts below.

Joy be with you.

Love

Donna.x

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OnTheBeach - Revealing Your Natural Radiance

Imagine this: a person radiating warmth, effervescence, joy, delight. A person glittering, incandescently shining with brilliance. A sparkling example of the stunning beauty of the human soul. Now imagine your face on that radiant body. For some of you, that might be exactly how you appear to the world on a normal day. For most of us, incandescence is something we save for special occasions, good days, in my case, summer!

But that inner radiance doesn’t go away just because we are moping about the lack of sunlight, cold, rain and bitter winds. It just gets covered up by a few layers. Perhaps one of those layers is the fact that you don’t realise your inner radiance. I’m here to tell you that we ALL have an inner radiance. We are all bursting with effervescence. Sadly from the time we are very small, many of us have that brilliance criticised – for being too giggly, disruptive, or chattering too much.

Then as life goes on, we try to extinguish our own light by being less than supportive to ourselves, getting stressed and not taking care of ourselves. The good news is that it is impossible to extinguish that inner radiance, but you may need to take off some metaphorical layers to reveal it. Yes, I said metaphorical – running around in the buff is not what I mean by revealing your natural radiance.

Can you imagine if your friends and family all took off those metaphorical layers to reveal their brilliance? You will have seen them shining, joyful, sparkling at some point in their lives, but perhaps they are not now? What a difference it would make to our world if we were surrounded by people who radiated their inner beauty on a regular basis – what a beautiful thing that would be.

It starts with you. It starts with you recognising your brilliance…even if you only see a tiny bit of the wonder of you, that’s a start. And it continues with you opening up to shine, and knowing that in doing so, your friends and family will bask in the warmth of your radiance. They will be encouraged to shine, because you shine. The darkness in your world can be lit by your light and your love – will you rise to the challenge and reveal your natural radiance?

Something to play with
How radiant are you feeling on a scale of 1-10? What could you do to increase that level of radiance by 1 point in the next week? Do it.

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below.

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OnTheBeach - What Do You Serve?

Note from Donna
Life is so much more difficult when you aren’t sleeping well, isn’t it? I had got used to being optimistic, full of ideas and inspirations, laughing easily and often…but then insomnia visited me (again!) and suddenly my brain is made of custard, being optimistic takes work, and laughter is a little smile and a sharp exhale through my nose. Hmmm…you know what that says to me? I need to go get some sleep. Nighty night.

February Special offer
We all have something that drives us, something that moves us, something that we feel passionate about. It’s what we serve, the oomph behind our purpose in life. Do you want to find that thing that you serve? This month’s
special offer is a special coaching session to help you find out what you are ‘in service of’, for just £30 (normal cost £65-90). E-mail me with ‘yes! I want to serve’ in the subject line, http://www.donnaonthebeach.com/blog/index.php/coaching/special-offers/ for more info.

What do you serve?
I was at a workshop a couple of years ago talking to some truly amazing people about what they were ‘in service of’, and I got a jolt (like a bolt of lightning) of realisation that if these people didn’t serve this world, it would be a tragedy. And I know that this realisation was not just for the 10 people sitting in that workshop, but for every single person on this planet. Including you.

I know that you have something truly amazing to give, that you are passionate about something that you see every day in your life, that you really would love to do something to ‘sort it out’…and I know that sometimes ‘life’ gets in the way! Another thing I know is that it does not have to be this way. There are ways to ‘serve’ this world without sacking your job and haring off to work in poverty stricken areas.

(Although if you really want to do that…what is stopping you?!)

You have so much talent, so much to give that it breaks my heart to see so many of you not using it. Especially when it could be so easy! Truly, it can be very easy. Nothing drastic needs to happen. All you need is imagination, willingness, and a cause. For example, if it drives you wild to see people being miserable, you could make it your mission to bring cheer to the world.

You can even use your current job to serve – my favourite example of this a story I heard of an accountant who is driven by the desire to make the world a more peaceful place…so he helps people get ‘at peace’ with their finances. If an accountant can do it, why not you? How could you turn your current place of work into your ministry?

This is too important for you to just read, nod and forget. I want you to remember that you have something incredible that you are here to accomplish. And you know it. You might not know what it is, you might be afraid of it and you might even think ‘I can’t’. You can. You must. This world needs you to step up. I once didn’t know – I found out. I am scared – that’s okay, I can still serve. I sometimes think ‘I can’t’, and then I remember. I can.

Each one of us is just one part of a much bigger picture. You might be here to serve peace or joy or love or passion or a million other things…and you know what? There are others who are serving the same thing. You are not alone in this. But you, too, are needed to do your corner of the tapestry of life. If we all started working together, imagine what could be achieved? This world needs you to step up.

Something to play with
Start thinking about what you are here to serve. What do you hate to see in the world? What makes you think ‘NO! that must stop’? If you had all the money in the world, what would you ‘fix’? Figure out how you can start serving now, today.

And if you are really interested in exploring this – take me up on the offer above - it’s part of my ‘service’ to help you find out what you are here to serve, and how you can do that easily in your day to day life.

Love

Donna.x

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OnTheBeach - In It For The Long Haul

So how are things going in your one and only life? Everything going perfectly to plan? Every goal you’ve ever had achieved? Still as optimistic and positive as you were when you were 19? No? Welcome to the Human Race! Only it is not a race…there are no prizes for getting to the finish line early, and it’s one of those sneaky courses that deceive you – just when you think you’re getting there, you turn the corner and there is ANOTHER home strait in front of you, stretching as far as the eye can see.

It’s liberating to realise that life is not a race and there is no finish line, because it frees you from the shackles of having to be at a certain point at a certain time. It also encourages us to change our expectations and our strategy slightly. You see, if it’s not a race, there is no need to wear ourselves out…and if the journey is never-ending, stamina is more important than speed. Remember the tale of the hare and the tortoise? While the hare dashed hither and thither and was distracted by a thousand things, the tortoise plodded steadily on and reached the finish line.

How do you approach your goals? Do you set a bright and shiny goal to earn £250squillion more this year, set off at a run, not achieve it in the first 30 seconds so get completely discouraged, stop and give up? Or do you set a goal you believe you can reach and head towards it, steadily and persistently, knowing that when you reach this goal, there will be another to head for and enjoying the journey is more important than hitting the milestones.

For years, I tried the first approach. I would start the year with high expectations, spend 2 or 3 days making plans and getting excited, take a little action then hit a hurdle and give up, defeated. The end of the year would roll around and I would mutter to myself ‘another year wasted’ and be negative and pessimistic, scoffing at the very idea of a joyful life. Luckily I made a discovery which has saved me from this pattern of accelerate hard, brake even harder, reverse to beginning.

Persistence. I was always stubborn, and when I realised that I could turn stubborn-ness (a supposed fault) into tenacity and persistence (strengths) and use it to move my life inexorably forward, my life changed. Life is a journey – with good health and a little luck, a long journey, and if you set off at a run, you will wear yourself out quickly. But if you take one fun step, then another, and another, and another, before you know it you will be closer to your goals, and have enjoyed yourself along the way. And it won’t matter that you’re not ‘there’ yet because you know that you will never be finished anyway, and it’s worth being in it for the long haul to create the life of your dreams.

Something to play with
Think of something you really want in your life. What have you done in the last 7 days to create this? What do you think would happen if you took one step a day towards what you want for 365 days? Set that stubborn streak of yours to good use and keep moving towards what you want – consistently and persistently.

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below.

A note from Donna
This topic has been a hot one this week – I have mentioned the persistent, step by step approach to every one of my clients, and when I now look at my very very nearly finished ebook, I am reminded that without this persistence and tenacity, I would NEVER finish this project. A few times I have become discouraged, even bored of it but now I have almost finished the latest draft and it just needs a little final polishing for the final draft. This project started as a seed of an idea back in late 2007 – good job I was in for the long haul eh?

PS There’s only a few days left to take advantage of my January e-mail coaching offer - If you haven’t seen it yet, go to my special offers page. If you’re interested in taking me up on it, you need to ACT NOW!

Did you find this post of interest? Why not sign up FREE to my blog updates and/or weekly newsletter? and get a FREE copy of my e-book “First Step To A Joyful Life”!

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OnTheBeach - How Not to Motivate Me

I am really easy not to motivate – all you have to do is tell me I ‘have to’ do something and instantly I am demotivated. To make me even less motivated, tell me I’m lazy, stupid, need to buckle down, am at fault for everything wrong with my life and a total loser. Make sure you don’t give me any praise or encouragement, and keep my nose firmly pinned to the grindstone. Let all achievements go by unrecognised, and make sure all attention is focused on what has not been done. And to make sure I am not at all motivated, repeat ad nauseum.

Of course, if you do this to me, I will probably stop talking to you at all. But guess who has been doing that to me? Yep, you guessed it – it’s the worst boss I ever had. Me. I’m quite lucky that I have been working on myself for a few years, so I recognised this behaviour quite quickly. I also made myself laugh because I said aloud to myself ‘you know, that is NOT the way to motivate me’.

Funny isn’t it, how we do this to ourselves? Especially when you stop and look at it and see that it just doesn’t work. I’m working on my first ‘proper’ (for sale) ebook, and it’s going really well – but you wouldn’t know that if you heard my internal dialogue. I’m only missing a whip and some chains for my desk, and I’d be a slave-master. The interesting thing is that this demotivating behaviour has the exact opposite effect to the desired outcome. Instead of getting me to finish up faster, it slows me down.

So today I was thinking, if I really wanted me to finish quickly, what would I do? I would focus on the fact that I’m really close to the finish line, I would remind myself of the feedback I’ve had so far – all really good – I would ask myself what I need to make sure I get it done (good food, rest, peace, time to work, a clear mind). I wouldn’t keep telling myself I ‘have to’ do it, heckle myself for not having done 73 hours a day and finishing 6 months ago.

The bizarre thing is that I know that the delays my inner slave driver is getting worked up over have served to make this project BETTER. Much better. It’s almost as if I am slowing myself down by being nasty to me…to allow myself to complete the project in perfect time. Wouldn’t that be so much easier if I were to just allow myself to complete the project in perfect time without any of the heckling, stressing, and whipping? What a radical thought.

Something to play with
If someone was going to NOT motivate you, what would they need to do? Do you recognise any of that behaviour – do you do it to yourself? Resolve now to change your behaviour from ‘how not to motivate’ to giving yourself what you need to move forward with your life – joyfully, happily and easily.

Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave me a comment below.

A note from Donna
Well, it’s been a great week for my January e-mail coaching offer – seems like it has struck a chord with many of you. If you haven’t seen it yet, go to http://www.donnaonthebeach.com/blog/index.php/coaching/special-offers/. It’s great for me too – I love the flexibility of e-mail coaching, and the fact that you can address so many areas at once. It also gives me a chance to connect more deeply with you guys, which is always good.

Did you find this post of interest? Why not sign up FREE to my blog updates and/or weekly newsletter? and get a FREE copy of my e-book “First Step To A Joyful Life”!

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OnTheBeach - Coming To Play?

Something to play with

For everything you are doing this week, tell yourself or your partner that you are ‘going out to play’, and see how much of a difference this makes to each task.

 

Coming to play?

I read something brilliant recently about a little girl who says to her auntie ‘I’m going to play’ when she’s on her way to school.  Isn’t that just a fabulous attitude to have?  Picture it:  Monday morning 8am ‘I am going to play’.  I am guessing that this is not what you normally say or think on a Monday morning?

 

So I thought, I wonder what difference this attitude would make to my life.  Bearing in mind that I already largely love what I do…except the accounts…and the admin…  It was a revelation.  It reminded me of being on holiday – you know when you are excited about everything you are going to do, from shopping to lounging on the beach to sight-seeing.

 

It was like that.  For the tasks that I enjoy, it gave me an even greater sense of pleasure to realise that this was play – what I do is FUN!  And for the tasks I don’t enjoy, it gave me a different framework…and made the tasks more fun.  Yes, even my accounts took on a whole new light.

 

I said to myself, ‘for the next hour I’m going to play with my accounts’ – and I really did play and enjoy the time I spent on it.  Then I said to myself ‘for as long as it takes, I’m going to play with my filing’, cranked up the stereo and thoroughly enjoyed myself for the next 45 minutes.  Both things would normally take twice as long as I moaned my way through them!

 

You may be looking at me with a bit of scepticism right now, but before you dismiss me as a crank, give it a go.  You will find that just approaching something from such a radically different angle will make it a different experience.  Now, I’m off to play…anyone going to join me?

 

Want to share your thoughts on this article?  Leave me a comment below.

 

A note from Donna

Well, it doesn’t take long to get back into the swing of things does it?  Christmas now seems like a dim and distant dream.  As does summer at the moment – my desire for warm weather and sunshine is sky-high.  For a winter baby, I really don’t like winter!  Anyone know a good sundance I can try? 

 

My theme for 2009 is service, so I’ve been asking how I can help you guys more – one idea that I have really liked is ‘access to coaching when I have no time or money’!  I can sympathise with that.  So, for January only, I am offering a week of e-mail coaching for just £25 – you can do this when you have spare time in your day rather than booking a session, it’s easier for those of you in different time zones, and it is a low cost way to get some quality coaching.  To find out more, get in touch here.

 

And if you have any other ideas about how I can help you, get in touch to let me know what I can do to serve. 

 

Love

 

Donna.x

 

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