Rah Rah Rah!

Ever been of the opinion that enthusiastic people are quite irritating? You know, the sort who are always up and peppy – the jumpiest jumping bean of them all! I have made a startling and quite entertaining discovery over the past few years – it’s not so irritating when it is you that is the enthusiastic one! Hap Hap Hazah!

How’s your enthusiasm rating right now? Today? In general? I must admit that mine has fallen slightly flat over the last few weeks – I’m blaming female hormones – and I’ve been struggling to find the enthusiasm to get my admin done. I’d much rather be doing something else…only I haven’t had much enthusiasm for something else either. Sigh. And today, once TUT had reminded me of the fanfare that accompanies my every move, I could feel my enthusiasm returning.

Then I read something about doing what you do with enthusiasm and EUREKA! I am enthusiasm personified. Now apart from the fact that it is a GREAT word, what’s so good about enthusiasm? Well, several things – being enthusiastic feels great, you get more out of an experience you enthusiastically participate in, people notice enthusiasm, and enthusiasm is infectious.

Just in case you are wondering, the dictionary definition of enthusiasm is “ardent and lively interest or eagerness” – the definition alone is pepping me up even more. Get the pom-poms out! Ok, so maybe you are slightly less excitable than me about this, how do you summon this ardent and lively interest on a Wednesday afternoon? Well, firstly, think about what makes you enthusiastic – what is different when you are enthusiastic?

Do you clap excitedly, jump up and down, dance about the office (or is this all just me?!)? Are you a little more sedate in your enthusiasm? Do you look forward to things and enjoy being part of what you’re doing? Are you keen to get started and focused on what you’re doing? Do you smile and laugh more? Do you just feel a sense of ‘rightness’? Think of the enthusiasm of children and dogs – can you learn from them?

I’m not suggesting that you run around your office jumping up on people and licking their face (although if you did I would howl with laughter!). That might be a jump too far in enthusiasm for you. So what would bring it up just a notch? I encourage you this week to go about your business with as much enthusiasm as you can muster, and just see what fun it is to see the world through enthusiastic eyes.

Love

Donna.x

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What’s Wrong With Me

Why is it that the first place we go to when we’re upset, angry or ill is ‘what’s wrong with me’. I’ve had a few conversations over the bank holiday which went to the ‘wrong with me’ place. My friend was upset – ‘what’s wrong with me?’ You’re upset! There’s nothing ‘wrong’. I was angry – what’s wrong with me? Nothing. I was angry. I got over it! Another friend was feeling really exhausted – ‘what’s wrong with me?’ Nothing. She’s run down, tired and needs to chill out with a big bar of chocolate, a book and a bath. Once she’d done that over the weekend, the feeling of exhaustion went away.

As did the sense that something was ‘wrong’. What annoys me about this focus (and I do it too) is that it always puts us in the naughty chair. We’re angry, hurt, upset, feeling under the weather and we’re looking for ‘what’s wrong with me’. You know what? There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You’re just human. Humans feel emotions. They feel hurt, jealousy, anger, embarrassment, sadness, tiredness. Humans (as a general rule) are not happy, skippy, bouncy every day. You know me, I’m a ‘joyful life’ coach – it’s all about enjoying your life for me.

But that doesn’t mean denying ‘negative’ emotions. That doesn’t mean putting yourself in the naughty corner for feeling how you feel. Ironically, living joyfully means living fully with your experience. It is very hard to be joyful when you have unacknowledged anger or sadness. It is difficult to be joyous when you are exhausted. But there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you when you get cross, when you are sad, when you are tired. You’re just cross, or sad, or tired. Not defective. So do me a favour and quit asking ‘what’s wrong with me’ because the truth is that you are beautiful, wonderful, fabulous, amazing, a unique, brightly shining star…and you’re allowed to be HUMAN!

Love

Donna.x

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Lots of love

Donna.x

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More Fun to Life

Do you ever wake up in the morning and think “There must be more to life than this”? Back in the 90’s, I woke up almost every day with that thought. I wondered if this was ‘it’, if this was how life was going to work out – a seemingly endless slog of get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, at the weekend dance all night and sleep all day, seeing daylight only briefly and through bleary eyes. The hamster wheel had me and I was slowly drowning in a life that felt increasingly ‘too tight’. I desperately wanted life to be different, but I didn’t ‘do’ anything differently, I just carried on doing the same and complaining about it.

Until eventually I did something very different and went off travelling around Australia with a backpack and no plan. That was the start of ‘the change’. Since then my life has changed and I have changed in ways that make me almost unrecognisable from that unhappy lass 10+ years ago. But still, sometimes I wonder if there is more to life. Usually when I am busy focusing on the fact that I am not Mistress of the Universe (still working on it!), I am not living in a million pound mansion overlooking the ocean (yet) and I am not with the man of my dreams (haven’t met him yet).

When we’re busy focusing on what is NOT in our life, our attention is taken away from the wonderful things that are here now. Not material possessions or even people, but our own internal brilliance. Our ability to be fascinated by life, to find joy in the smallest of things, to dream of better and to TAKE ACTION towards that ‘better’. When we’re too busy focusing on how much life sucks, we’re wasting time that could be spent improving said life. I’d been in quite a funk for a few days, but one conversation with a friend which was filled with laughter and suddenly I saw the light!

It’s not about having everything in your life arranged perfectly, being Mistress of the Universe with the perfect house and perfect man. When that’s what you’re focusing on, there IS MUCH more to life! Because those things are fun, and nice, but they’re really quite irrelevant! What is important? Your energy, your connection to life, your joy, your love, your peace, your laughter. That inner well of magnificence and brilliance that no amount of shit in your life can completely bury. Your spirit, your soul, your light.

Because we can’t buy them or count them, we relegate their importance below a flat screen tv. And that’s the mistake. Because they are the ‘more to life’ you’re looking for. It’s only when we’re not enjoying life that we think ‘there must be more’ (let me know if you ever thought there was more to life while you were having a great time!) And most of the time, that desire for more takes us on a search for ’something else’ – a new job/relationship/pair of shoes/holiday/challenge. There’s nothing wrong with this as such. It’s just that there’s an easier, quicker, funner* way. Start enjoying your life right now – warts and all. Your light, laughter and love will draw you towards changes that no amount of negativity will ever reveal. And even if no changes come, there’ll be more FUN to your life!

Something to Play With

If you’re wondering if there’s more to life than ‘this’, find a way to get enjoying your life – do things you love, spend time with people who make you laugh, listen to your soul sing and dance to the tune. Leave me a comment and let me know what you’re going to be doing to bring more fun to your life.

Love, life and laughter

Donna.x
*Dear dictionary, funner is a word. Honest.
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Fall Down 100 Times, Get Up 101

Thank you so much for your response to my newsletter article last week – I was so pleased to have encouraged and inspired you to Give Blood (or to hassle your friends and family to do so! I’m not fussy, as long as someone gives.) I actually got a lovely letter from the Blood Donation Service thanking me for my efforts, with a certificate to prove my 17 donations. It will take pride of place. It was a really nice touch for them to say thank you, and I had to laugh because they said ‘being an ambassador is just as helpful to us’ – by the time I received that I’d already heckled my friends on Facebook, twitter, my blog and in this newsletter – I was way ahead of them!

The end of the week saw me slapped down by life, really falling hard on my backside, and the Japanese proverb “Fall down 100 times, get up 101″ came very strongly to mind! So for this week I have pulled out this article from 2007 – just as relevant now. Enjoy!

- Fall Down 100 Times Get Up 101 -

When will I ‘get it’? When will I learn? When will I feel like I know what I’m doing in this game of life? Ever asked yourself these questions, or something similar? Welcome to the club! Would it surprise you to hear that the most self-possessed, successful, confident people ask themselves these questions? Would it surprise you to hear that you are not alone in feeling like you don’t know what you’re doing?

Of course, if you do know what you’re doing, in every area of your life, and you are the perfect person who never feels wrong-footed, or out of your depth, or confused. Congratulations…I don’t believe in you, but congratulations anyway! See, I don’t believe that ‘the perfect person’ exists. The only people I’ve ever met who are ‘totally together’ are not very together when you scratch the surface just a little!

Remember when you were little? How did you learn to walk? By falling on your bum 100 times and getting back up again 101 times. (or 1000 and 1001!) How did you learn to talk? By getting it wrong a lot! Spend some time with a toddler if you don’t remember – only mom’s understand toddler-speak…but somehow they learn to get the right words, then sentences, then before you know it they can speak perfectly.

There is a funny (to me!) belief that when we leave school we stop learning. Once we reach 21, we should know everything there is to know about the world. By 30, we should definitely have a handle on this ‘living’ stuff and get everything right, all the time. And past 30? The Perfect Person. Master (or Mistress) of the Universe.

Sadly it’s not so! We keep learning. Every day. We’re doing our best to live our lives every day, and we learn to do things a bit better every day. The problem comes when your expectations of yourself don’t allow you learning time. Imagine if as a toddler you gave up after you first fell on your arse? You’d still be crawling. Being willing to learn means being willing to get it wrong…that’s the way you learn. Fall down 100 times, get up 101.

- Something to Play With -

Where in life are you still learning? Are you enjoying that learning process or giving yourself a hard time for not being perfect instantly? What would change if you allowed yourself to just enjoy being a beginner? Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave a comment below.

Love

Donna.x

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How Quick Are You Gonna Get Up?

I was just listening to ‘Ali in the Jungle’ by The Hours – here’s a snippet of the lyrics:

Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna’ get up?

At the end of last week I had quite a significant knock down – one that left me feeling totally squooshed (like Thomas out of Tom and Jerry when he’s just been whacked with the broom!) Fortunately my friends helped me pick myself up off the floor and get (tentatively) back up again. Today when I was listening to this song, it seemed a very appropriate subject to share with you. Everybody gets knocked down. Everybody. It’s just one of them things. The important thing is how quick are you going to get back up?

This is not to say that you should get back up instantly. Oh no, take the time to hurt if you need to hurt, to hide if you need to hide, to cry if you need to cry. Be gentle with yourself when you’ve been knocked down. But once you’ve had some recovery time, get up. And keep going. You won’t be alone in being knocked down, and when you get up you’ll be stronger, wiser…and maybe it will even turn out that there’s a big silver lining in that there cloud. This knock-down might just have knocked me into the path of something very inspiring…we’ll see.

Love

Donna.x

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Do Something Amazing

Well, I am feeling quite sad and disappointed today. I found out that while I am under the care of my neurologist, I can’t give blood. If you don’t donate blood, you might believe that is a good thing – but if you do donate, you will understand why I’m upset. I have to admit, before I started donating, I didn’t understand why anyone would want to. Needles? Uck. Blood? Ick. Biscuits as a ‘reward’? You’re kidding me! But once I’d been just a few times I got it. You are spending half an hour of your time (the taking blood bit takes less than 10 minutes) to potentially save a life. I started donating because a colleague’s son had a motorbike accident where he lost a leg…and he needed lots of blood to keep him alive. So she talked me into going.

I’ve now given 17 times. I intended to give 100 times (I only needed another 20 years or so to do it! Lol). But I have been cut short in my prime. Although, you know me – I haven’t given up. My diagnosis may change, the rules may change, I may move to a place with less strict rules! And if I can, I’ll give again. For now, I am reduced to badgering other people to give! So why should you give blood? Because the life you save could be your child’s, your spouse, your best friend, your parent, your sibling. Donating your blood could save a life. That’s it. That’s the reason. And it’s so easy. So please, if you can give, do it. In the UK, go to www.blood.co.uk to find your local donation session. In the US, I believe it’s the Red Cross. And if you’re like me and you can’t give, please spread this message and ask your friends and family to give. The life THEY save could be yours.

- Do Something Amazing -

Ok, giving blood might not be for you (although I hope you will try it before deciding it’s not for you!), but there is another point to be made here – giving feels amazing! Everyone I know who gives or has given blood regularly wouldn’t think of missing a session unless they had to. Everyone I know who has ever volunteered got as much out of it as the people they were helping. If not more. Jack Canfield tells the story of a client who called him in despair, not able to see a way forward. Jack asked him if there was anything he could think of that he could do for someone else, and stayed on the line while his client went off and did his good deed. When he came back, the dark cloud was lifted.

Sometimes life gets on top of us so much that we forget how to give – our time, our money, our love, our friendship, our expertise. We are too busy moving from day to day, getting what we can from others and from life itself. And we forget to serve, to make the world a better place just by being in it. The irony of this is that when you are able to help someone else, you are helped too. When you give with a generous and open heart, it comes back to you. And it just plain feels good to give! The biscuit you are rewarded with in the UK for giving blood is not your reward for doing so – it’s actually just to get your blood sugar level back up – your reward is that you’ve done something amazing.

Now there is a huge difference between doing something amazing, and being a martyr! Note that I said “when you give with a generous and open heart it comes back to you”. Not when you give from a place of ‘having to’, feeling like you ’should’ or out of obligation. Giving with a generous and open heart (or vein!) is wonderful. Giving to gain is not. Being taken from is not. Giving because you want to do something good (and therefore feel good) and giving from a place of service is one of my favourite things! Yes, I know that pretty much everything I enjoy is my favourite thing. Lol.

That is why I am so upset to have been stopped from giving blood. I don’t get to save lives that often! And now the one way I did (maybe) is (hopefully temporarily) closed. But of course there are other ways I can serve – giving away content on my website, facebook, twitter is one way I can serve. Helping people who need help is another. Badgering friends, family and everyone I’m connected to on Facebook to give blood is another! And perhaps encouraging you to look around and see what you can give with an open and generous heart is another?

- Something to Play With -

What can you give? Who can you help today? It could be a charity, a friend, a neighbour, a total stranger who needs blood (sorry, I’m relentless!), you could give time, money, expertise, friendship, mentoring, laughter. Remember to give with an open heart and notice how much fun it is to give (don’t be attached to a ‘thank you’ though – get the good feeling from doing the good deed, not being acknowledged for it. Acknowledgement is nice but it’s not the point). Please let me know what you do, especially if you decide to give blood – it will make me feel lots better! Leave me a comment here or pop over to the facebook page and leave a comment there.

Love

Donna.x

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A Friday Funny

In Bill Ford’s coaching newsletter this week:

One of my wife’s colleagues when she was working in the US was asked by a client in France to rush over to present at a meeting the next day. He got on a plane the same day and did not have time to pack. It was winter.

He got to the hotel in Paris with enough time to sleep. His suit was creased from the flight, so he turned on the shower and hung it in the bathroom to let the steam reduce the creases. He fell asleep. By the time he woke up the suit was sodden. So he hung it out on his balcony. He fell asleep again.

By the time he woke up, the suit was frozen. He had no choice, so he put it on and went to the meeting. As he was presenting he could tell that he was losing his audience as they seemed distracted. He asked what was going on and learned that there was steam coming off his suit. He explained what had happened, they fell about laughing, were impressed by his dedication and the MD suggested they go to lunch instead.

This made me cry with laughter and totally ruined me for doing any work until I’d sat in a corner for a bit calming down. I hope it brought you just half as much amusement. Happy Friday!

Love

Donna.x

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Financial Integrity

Well, my office revamp is still not finished – I am still searching through boxes in the garage every five minutes for things I need (that I genuinely thought I wouldn’t need for weeks…). However, one more weekend should see it done. All the materials are in place, all I need is a couple of handy, strong people (I am not very practical and I have spaghetti arms!) and we’ll be rocking and rolling. I can’t wait! This should mean that I have a lovely space from which to coach new and fabulous clients. I have 2 one to one spaces available starting in August. So, if you have been thinking about getting some one to one help to get you living the life you were born to live, get in touch now.

This week’s article is an excerpt from my ebook – “110 Steps to Heal your Money” – to buy it, Click Here – it is available in various formats for your e-readers, palm pilots or computers.

- Financial Integrity -

How is your financial integrity? Do you owe money? Do you cheat? Steal? Perhaps not in a ‘Great Train Robbery’ way, but financial integrity runs through your whole life, so even pinching a bic biro from work counts here. I am not the police, and I don’t care if you steal the entire stationary cupboard, or I wouldn’t, except that I know that being out of integrity hurts your financial health.

When you are out of integrity in any area of your life, there is worry, stress, fear, shame – and if that is being suppressed, you are putting a huge amount of energy into not feeling bad. Often, you don’t even realise the amount of bad feeling your energy is going into until you start getting back into integrity. Coaching clients often deny any bad feeling to do with past money stuff that is out of integrity but when they do this exercise, they invariably find something that has been mithering them, and when they take action, they feel 100 times better.

It really is true that the person transgressing suffers most. The good news is that once you take just one step in the direction of renewed integrity, all that bad feeling starts to be released and the energy which had gone into ignoring, suppressing and denying the bad feeling is freed.

Here are a few real life examples from myself and people I have worked with:
- not repaying a loan from your parents
- stealing pens from a shop when you were 15
- keeping quiet about an overpay or undercharge
- not paying a friend back for a gig ticket she paid for (even though she forgot about it)
- deferring payment of your student loan
- always being behind on the rent
- paying an employee too low a wage
- my-round-o-phobia (not standing your round in the pub)
- taking money from a boyfriend, even though he didn’t notice and could spare it
- a loan from a friend that was never repaid (and never asked for)

You’ll notice that in many of these examples, the other party didn’t notice or care…but it still felt out of integrity. My friend forgot about the gig ticket and never asked me for the money…but I remembered it regularly, and when I did this exercise it came up again…2 years later. A good rule of thumb for items that “might” be out of integrity is: if you still remember it, it’s still bothering you; therefore it is out of integrity for you.

- Something to Play With -

List anything that feels out of integrity for you. And start to put them right. If you can’t put it right immediately, find a way to get back in integrity – for example one of my clients gave a donation to a charity rather than repaying the company they felt out of integrity with. Want to share your thoughts on this article? Leave a comment here.

Love

Donna.x
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What Difference Does It Make?

Just in case you were wondering what difference one person, one action can make, watch this:

And see Darynkagan.com for daily inspirational videos that show the world what’s possible.

Love

Donna.x

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