What Does Life Want From You?

Most of us ask what we want from life…with varying success! Sometimes this perspective brings great joy, and sometimes it brings great disatisfaction. What if ‘what do I want from life’ was the wrong question?

What if the question was ‘what does life want from me’?

What might change?

I was pondering this, and I realised that life wants me to live joyfully, not sit at my desk ‘forcing myself’ to work. Just realising this freed me up to enjoy my procrastination!

Love

Donna.x
PS This question came from Eckhart Tolle

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In Pursuit of Human Joyfulness

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OnTheBeach – You Should Do This Challenge

- A note from Donna -

As you read this, I will most likely be asleep – even if it’s afternoon in the UK – yes, I am that lazy…but I have a good reason this time. Yesterday (if you’re reading this on Monday) I went to the V festival! I am so ridiculously excited about this – my favourite band are headlining, and I haven’t done the festival thing for a couple of years so the anticipation is HUGE! I do remember from years gone by though that even one day at a festival requires a massive lie in. So that’s what I’m probably doing…maybe I should get up and work, it being Monday…but I am SO not doing that! Hazah!

- You Should Do This Challenge -

What should you be doing? Instead of reading this? Instead of relaxing? Instead of having a nice weekend? Instead of enjoying your life? Possible answers: working; doing chores; visiting family; making things happen. “Should” really is a cruel word. It manages to make you feel guilty, lazy, unsuccessful, and bad about yourself in just 6 letters. It’s quite an achievement actually how bad “should” can make you feel, without trying.

Of course, it isn’t the word’s fault, it is the way we wield a ’should’ – we use it as a weapon against ourselves. Try it – think of 5 things you should be doing or have done. Feel good about any of them? No, thought not. In fairness, as a weapon to make yourself feel like shit, it is enormously effective. But I’m guessing that as you’re reading this newsletter, feeling like shit isn’t high on your list of priorities?

If it is…what are you thinking??? I’ve long thought that in place of “I should” should be “I should but I’m not gonna” because most of the time shoulds are made up of things you don’t want to do. After all, if you wanted to do them, you would be! There would be no need to should on yourself. You may be getting the sense from this that I am not a big fan of the word ’should’!

I don’t mind it in some uses, but when it is used by someone to beat themselves up over what they have not done (and probably will not do), it drives me into a furious frenzy. It is not motivating to go through a list of all the things you ’should’ do; it is never good when ‘I should be doing the ironing instead of healing’ is the main thought in someone’s mind; and it is tragic when someone uses a should to stop themselves enjoying their life.

Please, for me, just for this week, don’t use “I should”…replace it with “I want to” and enjoy your life. Life’s too short to make it ’shouldy’.

- Something To Play With -

Your challenge this week is to erase the phrase “I should” from your vocabulary. Every time you catch yourself saying it (and if you’re like my clients, this could be a hundred times a day!!), stop and replace it with “I want…” For example “I should be working” “I want to go and enjoy the sunshine” or “I should be doing chores” “I want to go to the pictures”. The world won’t end…and you might even enjoy yourself! Want to share your thoughts on this article? Comment below.

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MIA

Hello lovely readers!!! I am sorry, I have been missing in action a lot this month – just busy busy busy! A million and one ideas which never got made into blog posts…what a waste!!

The big highlight this week was the V festival in Staffs – Mud, Music, Rain, Sunshine, Mud, more Music and temperatures November would be proud of – BRILLIANT! It’s wonderful when you can get into a situation where you are purely in the moment, oblivious of past, future, worries and stresses. And I was fully in that place during the headline act – Muse – totally present.

So present in fact that I lost my voice entirely! So when was the last time that you enjoyed being totally present and in the moment? Or are you too busy worrying about the past or the future? Put yourself in a situation where you can just be in that moment…you don’t have to have the mud and the rain if you don’t want to!

Love

Donna.x

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OnTheBeach – Bitch-Slapping Versus Back-Slapping

- A note from Donna -

Due to an exhilarating mix of work, procrastination, memory-loss and long lazy lunches, I am writing this on a Saturday night in the ad breaks between NCIS! It’s fortunate that I have so much practice writing these newsletters quite quickly and that the ad breaks are so long! Not long enough for me to write an epic, so this week’s a half cup. Enjoy!

- Bitch-Slapping Versus Back-Slapping -

So when was the last time you praised yourself? When did you last shout about your achievements? When did you last give yourself a big slap on the back for a job or a life well done? Seriously, when was the last time? And when was the last time you gave yourself grief for getting something wrong? When was the last time you put yourself down? When was the last time you were mean to yourself? Seriously, when was the last time? You don’t even have to have done it out loud to someone else – inside your head counts too.

I’m guessing that you did the last one more recently than you did the first. Particularly in Britain, we are enormously good at self-deprecation. It’s a skill! We hate to be seen as arrogant, so we go far too far the other way into the underworld of self-deprecation. Like most skills though, the self-deprecation skills can be transferred. What if you were to use those skills of observation, clarification, exaggeration and repetition to back-slap yourself rather than bitch-slap yourself?

What are you good at? What are you proud of? What did you do well? What are your best qualities? Instead of replaying the record which tells you what you’re crap at, what you’re ashamed of, what you did badly, your worst qualities, change the record and give yourself some credit for once. You’re worth it!

- Something To Play With -

Big up yo’self this week – you don’t have to become an arrogant arse, in fact, you don’t have to tell anyone else at all. But I do want you to increase your self-belief by talking yourself up – just in your own head will work just fine. Stop hiding your light under the proverbial bushel, and start shining. Want to share your thoughts on this article? E-mail me. I love to hear from readers, and will respond to all e-mails

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OnTheBeach – Don’t Let the B’s Grind You Down

My parents have a saying “Don’t let the b*stards grind you down” – and there are times when this is the most pertinent advice that can be given! Because this is exactly what happens if you’re not vigilant – years and years of criticism, minor annoyances and unsupportiveness can just grind down your good humour and confidence. Don’t let the b*stards grind you down.

How do you stop them??? Well, trying to stop anyone else doing anything is an exercise in futility! So here’s what you can do: don’t take it on. Don’t give away your power to someone else. Don’t allow other people to put you down. They can say the words, but if you don’t listen, those words have no power alone. Words can be like acid, corroding and eating away at you…but not if you don’t take it on.

Put it this way, if someone called you a blueberry, how much would you take that on board? How much would you allow that to hurt you? How much would you repeat it and keep hurting yourself with it? I am hoping you are saying ‘not at all’!! But if they call you ’stupid’ or they criticise you or are unsupportive, that’s exactly what we do – we take it as gospel, we allow ourselves to be hurt by it, we repeat it to ourselves and others and pick the scab off the hurt so much that we are scarred by it.

Funnily enough, when we get a compliment, we don’t give that the same amount of energy and care! Interesting how we’re more prepared to think the worst of ourselves eh? Anyway, we’re talking about not letting the b*stards grind you down. Here’s what I do when faced with an insult, a criticism, an annoyance, “feedback”: I look at it objectively (once I’ve calmed down if it riled me!) and try to see their point of view. If they have a point, I take it as welcome help to improve – then I let it go. If they don’t, I just let it go.

Notice that I do get riled (oh my god, I’m HUMAN! Shock horror) – but I don’t give them the power to ruin my whole life! It is just a point of view, just a moment in time, just something given (often thoughtlessly). One person telling you that you are wrong does not make you wrong 100% of the time! So stop taking on this stuff – know yourself better, have confidence in yourself, and instead of repeating the bad stuff, repeat this like a mantra: I know that you are amazing, intelligent, worthy, wonderful and a really good laugh. Don’t let anyone tell you different!

- Something To Play With -

Notice what you do when someone annoys, criticises or insults you. Do you shrug it off and move on? Or do you chew over old soup until you make yourself sick on it?? For this week, experiment with only repeating to yourself the nice things people have said to you – keep chewing them over, you’ll find they taste a lot better! Share your thoughts on this article below – leave me a comment.

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August 2008 Book Recommendation – Paulo Coelho

I recently re-read Paulo Coelho’s ‘The Alchemist’ and found it such a great read that I am now reading it a third time! A classic ‘quest tale’, it follows the fortunes of a shepherd who leaves his flock to go after his treasure. Chock full of references to ‘the soul of the world’, ‘omens’ and reminders to follow your dreams, this book is both a delightful story and an essential read to help you on your quest for treasure.

On this third read through, I’ve been using some of the many one-liners, like “There is a force that wants you to realise your destiny”, to journal my own thoughts on this ’soul of the world’, these ‘omens’ and how the simple truths presented in this book apply to my quest. There’s probably not much in here you haven’t heard before, but I doubt you’ll have heard it in such a simple and easy to grasp storytelling style. Paulo Coelho embraces the truth that stories teach…and I am a willing pupil!

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