Imagine for a moment working for somebody who doesn’t appreciate you (you probably don’t have to imagine it, you’ve probably experienced it). Somebody who, no matter how hard you work and how much you do, their reaction is “Meh”. Or “haven’t you done that yet?” A boss who even though you’ve worked over when you didn’t have to neither notices nor appreciates what you’ve done for them.
And imagine (or remember) how demotivating and demoralising that is. Most people who work for that type of boss don’t do their best work for them. Being oblivious to the good work someone is doing is not conducive to getting the best from them. Having impossible expectations of people doesn’t inspire them to greater heights, it puts them in a situation where they cannot help but fail. In general, this kind of management style gets the bare minimum out of people.
I hope you’ve also had the experience of working for someone who is the complete opposite – somebody who notices when you go above and beyond, notices when you stay late, notices when you try hard, notices the progress you are making. And they reward and acknowledge that. The best boss I ever had was a boss like that, and I would have walked over hot coals for that boss.
There are some who say ‘well, you should just do your job, you don’t need appreciation or acknowledgement for it’. We’re human beings. We need encouragement, and it’s amazing to me that we understand this with children but ignore it with adults. Everyone needs encouragement, validation, recognition of their worth. Ok, we can ‘just do our job’ without it. But with it we rise above, we stretch higher, we put more effort into doing our best.
So, which boss are you to yourself? When I started working for myself I discovered the worst boss I’ve ever had.
Me.
I can laugh about it now. It wasn’t funny for the first couple of years of my business. I was harsh, I was tough, I was bossy, I had stupidly high expectations. I never gave myself any reward, any acknowledgement, any validation. Whatever I did, it wasn’t enough.
And that was massively demotivating. Many of my self-employed clients were the same…until they realise that encouragement is more effective that criticism and indifference. Take a minute now to think about the best boss (or teacher) you ever had. The person who got the best from you. What characteristics did they display?
My best boss was:
Is that how I behave towards myself? Well, actually now I do all that more than ever – but when I started working for me…I didn’t do any of that. Instead, I was the amalgamation of every shit boss I ever had and hated! And funnily enough, it didn’t get the best out of me. It made me stressed, depressed and undermined my self-confidence so much that I wanted to give up on my business.
Since I’ve started being the good boss to myself, I get more done, I’m more relaxed, more creative, I recognize my strengths more, I’m more confident and self-assured…and I’m less likely to want to give up because I recognize when I need a little love, tlc, rest or validation.
So which boss are you to yourself? Are you the shitty boss with impossibly high expectations who never thinks anything is good enough? Or are you the good boss who notices your progress, achievements and gives you encouragement, support and love? Even if you aren’t self-employed, this is relevant – how do you treat yourself? With love or with unpleasantness?
Stop, pause, validate yourself, notice what you’re doing right and encourage yourself. Give yourself some approval and love. Celebrate your progress. Notice what you ARE doing, not just what you haven’t done yet (that to do list is always going to be 1000 items long!) Be generous with praise and rewards.
Be a good boss, don’t be a shitty boss. Be the amazing boss. Be the boss that absolutely gets the best out of you every single time. Be the boss that challenges you in a way that you feel great about yourself, not like a sadistic drill sergeant. Be the boss who encourages you. Be the boss who celebrates what you’re getting done.
Be the boss who notices that even though the project’s not fully finished, you have made amazing progress. Be the boss who notices every wonderful word of the sixty thousand plus words you’re writing. Be the boss who notices every step of the thousand steps you’re travelling to get to your vision.
Be the most encouraging, loving, supportive, inspiring version of you that you can be. You may have tried (and I did too…for years) the shit boss version of this and beat yourself up and trodden yourself down and made yourself feel really bad for everything you’ve not done and every perceived failure that you’ve had.
Stop that now. It doesn’t work. It never worked, it never will work. Be the good boss. Celebrate what you’ve done. Get excited about what you will do. Be 100% in your corner…be the best boss you ever had.
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