OnTheBeach – Life Happens For You, Not To You

A note from Donna

Apologies for the late delivery of this week’s newsletter – you’ll understand when you read today’s article. I hope you will also understand that I am too shattered to put much of a note in this week!

Life Happens For You, Not To You

In one of those “couldn’t make it up” moments, the friend I was visiting and I went back to his apartment to pick up my suitcase to go to the airport…and couldn’t get in!! By the time the locksmith arrived, it was far too late to get my flight. Now you may think that an extra day in Barcelona is no hardship (and you would be right, I spent the next 24 hours either on the beach or in a restaurant – 2 of my favourite things!), but frankly it was a bit inconvenient!

Not only the one way flight which was twice the cost of my original return fare, but I had things to do, people to see and places to go (all of which I have had to pack into today…boy am I ready for a siesta!) But, we said, there must be a reason for this to happen. As it turned out, I came up with 5 reasons – the most important of which being that Saturday was windy, and as you know, I am a bit of a scaredy cat about flying – I wasn’t looking forward to being in a smarties tube in a gale!

Shit happens. On a fairly regular basis. And if you can get your head around the idea that life happens FOR you, not TO you, you will always be able to find a bright side (or at least trust that there is a bright side!) Ok, being forced to stay in Barcelona is not the worst thing that could happen to a person, but how would you have dealt with it? Would you have been worried about the cost, cross about the inconvenience and complaining? Or would you have consciously looked for that silver lining?

The time that I shouldn’t have been in Barcelona was actually the best of the time I spent there – maybe because I was searching for reasons that this was a good thing. And I found them, many of them. Each of those reasons were worth the cost and inconvenience (and from a business perspective, may turn out to be priceless!). I found it quite interesting that because I was actively seeking the silver lining, knowing that life is for me, I was aware of just how great it was to get an extra day!

Even when something not so good happens, you can train yourself to see it as a positive step, just by expecting every event to somehow bring good things to you. How often have you heard of stories where something ‘bad’ has happened, which turned out to be really good for the person it happened to? With just a little change of attitude, your life can start happening for you, not to you. Bring it on!

Something to play with

Look for the silver lining in every cloud. Start training yourself to see that life is happening for you.

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OnTheBeach – Please Sir, The Dog Ate My Newsletter

A note from Donna

Tomorrow I am off to Barcelona!!!! Mostly I am enormously excited, but there is also a tiny frisson of utter terror – I am not the best flier in the world. If they’d let me drive, I’d be fine (can’t speak for the other passengers though!). So tomorrow early evening UK time, send me some positive vibes…I need them! Other than that minor inconvenience though, I shall be having a marvellous time visiting my friend for a few days – I don’t know about you, but I really need some time just chillin’!

Please Sir, The Dog Ate My Newsletter

The hugely observant among you may have noticed a complete lack of newsletter last week…I do apologise! Right up until Monday, I was fully intending to write a newsletter for last week. Then, right up until Thursday, I was fully intending to send it late…and it just never happened! I have to confess that I don’t feel bad at all. In fact, I’ve been interested to notice that I am enormously relaxed about missing this deadline.

Normally I’d at least feel a little guilty, thanks to the conditioning that started when I was 5. Remember that? You had to hand your homework in on time, you had to hit your deadlines, you must do this by this day. Now, I do understand that schools have to do this, or let’s face it, maths homework would never get done! But then I think we carry it just a smidge too far. I have heard friends talk about a deadline for doing the washing, for shopping, for cleaning the car.

Everyone is working to a to-do list on a timetable that keeps us all busy ‘doing’ all the time, no respite, no break, no rest. Not only is there always something to ‘do’, but if we miss a (self-imposed) deadline, there is the attendant guilt for not having done it. I often used to say that I was the worst boss I ever had, and many of my clients (whether self-employed or not) can echo that sentiment – simply, we are our own harshest critic!

Obviously things have changed a little for me – I no longer consider myself a wasteful slacker who is a drain on the payroll, but someone who, given the right encouragement and inspiration will enjoy her work and ‘get things done’ as an added bonus. I’ve also come to realise that YOU NEVER GET IT DONE. The to-do list will never end, the chores will never end, the things that you want to do will never end. Shelves gather more dust, even more books get published, and before you know it, another Monday is rolling round and OnTheBeach is expected again!

So sometimes you can just let go of the reins just a little and allow time to pass without ‘achieving’ something. Not every moment in every day needs to be filled with the minutae of tasks – in fact, the most peaceful people on the planet spend time just ‘being’ – watching a sunset, or a flower, or the stars…just allowing themselves to not be doing. But won’t the world fall apart if everyone starts having this slack attitude to life? In rural Ireland, in the Caribean, in many other places, they seem to get by just fine without the deadline culture. And if you high-flying folks will forgive me for saying so…they seem just a tad happier too!

Something to play with

This week experiment with missing a self-imposed deadline, and letting it be ok. Play with the idea that it’ll all get done in it’s own good time (don’t do this at work! I am trying hard to get workplaces to understand…but for now, by and large they don’t!). Sit back, relax and notice that the world did not end when you let yourself off the hook!

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OnTheBeach – Playtime

A note from Donna

As you read this, I am probably getting insanely excited about going to see David Tennant and Patrick Stewart in Hamlet in Stratford tonight. I saw King Lear last year with Ian McKellan and it was spell-binding, so I have high expectations of this one. I love to have a nice varied social calendar – from a music festival, to a day at the beach, to pizza and pictures, to Shakespeare. Marvellous!

Playtime

My home page for the internet is Louise Hay’s Affirmation page, so everytime I go online I have a nice affirmation there waiting for me. Today it was “I balance my life between work, rest and play. They all get equal time.” Hmmmm. How true is this statement in your life? Do you balance work rest and play? I realised (somewhat to my horror!) that play does not get equal time at all.

In fact, playtime pretty much comes in only if I’ve ‘booked’ time to play – like my day at the beach last week, or Hamlet in Stratford tonight – or if I have time ‘left over’ to play after I’ve worked and rested! The upshot is that playtime is getting about 20% of my time at most. RUBBISH! No more. It’s time to bump playtime up the priority list! I’ve got into bad habits lately, I’ve been busy and working quite a lot…and because I am good at self care, resting a lot too…but at the expense of playtime! Shocking.

And even worse, I know that I am better at this balance than most people I know. Many of them are very unbalanced (in terms of work, rest and play, not mentally unbalanced!), and the big missing ingredient is playtime. It’s heart-breaking to see, because playtime makes you come alive, playtime is fun, playtime is vital to you having a happy life – let’s face it, how much better do you feel when you’ve been on holiday? And why?

Because you’ve had uninterrupted playtime! Holidays are all about recharging your batteries and devoting yourself to having some fun…and then we come home and forget to play for another 11 months and 2 weeks. It’s foolish to neglect your fun muscles – if they get flabby you’ll get miserable. I’m sure I don’t really need to extol the virtues of play – you know yourself that when you take part in activities that you enjoy, you feel better.

So when was the last time you deliberately took part in an activity you enjoy and made a conscious choice to savour that playtime? Why not start tonight? Instead of sitting numbly in front of the idiot box, make an effort to do something playful and fun (if that’s tv for you, ok…but as long as you’re actively enjoying it, not just wobbed out in front of it!). You see people, it’s time to take playtime seriously!

Something to play with

Part 1: What is the balance of work, rest and play in your life? 60/30/10? 40/40/20? Have a guess at the proportions – your best guess will be quite accurate! What can you do TODAY to start restoring the balance (especially the playtime bit!)? Part 2: What do you do to play? Aim to get a list of 100 things (it might take time, but you can do it!). Part 3: Do something off that list DAILY.

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OnTheBeach – A Day at the Beach

A note from Donna

Well, it’s all going on at my YouTube channel – not only have I answered the first of the ‘Ask Donna’ questions, I announce here a new website with a new way to get in touch with me – www.blissquest.com, and share with you some sarcasm from my guidance – who said spirit didn’t have a sense of humour?! Check it out at www.youtube.com/donnaonthebeach.

A Day At The Beach

It seemed like an excellent idea – I’d drive to my friend’s house, and then she’d drive to the beach from there and we would spend the day at the beach. We didn’t consider 3 things: 1. Directions – how hard could it be to get from London to the coast?! 2. It was the hottest day of the year (although given the rest of British Summer Time, we would never have guessed the weather would be so good!) and 3. The world and his dog were also heading to the beach for the last weekend of the ‘summer’.

The flat facts: we ended up on the wrong motorway, heading 60 miles west of where we wanted to go and ended up getting to the beach at 5 in the afternoon (having set off before lunch!). Feeling sorry for me yet? Please don’t – it was a fabulous day…and what the flat facts don’t tell you is that we stopped for lunch in the lovely little town of Chichester, if we’d gone the ‘right’ way we’d have been stuck in traffic just as long, both of us have Irish ancestry so our pale irish skin would have burnt to a crisp had we got to the beach any earlier…and we had 3 lovely hours at the beach watching the sunset when it wasn’t crammed full with people. Perfection.

So why am I telling you this story? Well, because both of us were supremely unconcerned about the plans going slightly awry…and that was what made it such a great day. I could imagine another 100 cars in a similar position with its occupants getting stressed out, angry and fed up, and never looking for the silver lining in their particular cloud. Think about it, how would you have reacted to discover that you were on the wrong motorway, heading away from where you wanted to go, and stuck in traffic on the hottest day of the year?

Would you have been relaxed, easy-going, happy that things would work out perfectly in the end? Or would you have been stressed, pissed off and busy complaining at top volume? Ok, it made it easier that my friend is possibly the most easy going person alive (and has been since the womb apparently!), but my general attitude is that something good will happen…even if it’s not entirely what I expect!

How often have you made a situation worse by being arsey about things you have no control over? Or got totally stressed about your plans going awry? It may amaze you to hear that sometimes things don’t work out as you expect…or have you experienced that yourself once or twice?? And you may also have noticed that stress rarely adds fun, enjoyment…or even any help at all to a situation! So let go of the reins a bit, and let life take you on a comedy detour…and enjoy it!

Something to play with

This week make a real effort to enjoy it when your plans don’t work out the way you planned and go with the flow – who knows, this turn of events might be even better – it was for us!

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OnTheBeach – Pure Presence

A note from Donna

So, V festival was muddy, wet, cold, muddy, and there was GREAT music. Fortunately the music made up for the weather – well, for me at least, my friend was last seen muttering ‘never ever ever ever again’ as she stamped mud off her boots and jeans!! The fact that I had to hose off my jeans and boots the next day was utterly irrelevant – it was fabulous…a fact testified to by my lack of voice the following day. It did take me half the week to recover though – thank god I didn’t go for the whole weekend!

Pure Presence

So, there was a moment last Sunday at the festival where I realised that there is nothing better than being purely in the moment. This particular moment was during a song by my favourite band – it was raining, I was tired, I was ankle deep in stinky mud, and the wind was cold…AND I had my arms up in the air, was singing at the top of my voice with a big smile on my face and I felt ALIVE!

Why did I feel so alive? Because I was totally present in the moment – pure presence. When was the last time you were totally present in the moment? Not worrying about the past, not worrying about the future, not thinking about your to-do list, just purely present in that moment. I am a thinker, I’m always thinking, so for me, pure presence happens only when my mind has something else to occupy it – a good play, opera, ballet, sporting event, gig or film will do it. As will dancing, exercise if I get really into it, meditation, writing, and a good book…I can lose hours in a good book!

What inspires that pure presence for you? When do you forget about your life and just LIVE? And are you doing that regularly? Your life deserves to have you experiencing the joy of pure presence…there is nothing better!

Something to play with

List 5 things that inspire that pure presence in you – 5 things that allow you to lose any sense of time and space and just live in this moment. Now go and arrange to do one of those things.

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September 2008 Book Recommendation

Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui: Space Clearing Can Change Your Life by Karen Kingston is one of those incredible books that inspire you to take action just by reading it. I confess, I am a clutter-holic! I have way too much stuff, and leave a trail of mayhem in my wake, but while reading Karen Kingston’s gentle, interesting and amusing book, I found myself naturally clearing my clutter – operating a ‘clear desk’ policy, getting rid of things that I don’t need or want, and looking for new ways to clear out my life. Ok, I’ve not turned into a shining example of the use of feng shui just yet…but I am getting there! If you’ve ever wanted to clear your clutter, get this book – you will find yourself doing it without the usual “right, roll up my sleeves” determination.

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